


It's a Hot Summer Day (And I'm Thirsty for You)

by wellthizizdeprezzing



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU, Adventure, Crack, F/F, Hogwarts, Humor, Lesbian Vampires, Lex is bald, Monster Hunters, Monster hunter Kara, Smut, Supergirl Kara, Useless Lesbians, Vampire Lena Luthor, Werewolf Alex, Witch Winn, cross dressing, vampire cat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2020-10-04 02:30:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 42,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20463554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wellthizizdeprezzing/pseuds/wellthizizdeprezzing
Summary: Lena's a vampire. Kara is like the sun.It would be stupid and dangerous for Lena to go towards it. And yet she runs, not walks.Or, in which Lena is a not so serious vampire with family issues and a complex about being the new queen of the underworld. And Kara is a useless monster hunter who also happens to moonlight as a superhero and who totally is way too hot for Lena to ignore.They fight, they almost die, and then they bang. Or somewhat to that order.





	1. One

**I. Boring Politics**

Lena's got her chin propped up in her hand, elbow resting on the cold stone armrest of her throne.

Her body is leaning to the left, her eyes lidded with disinterest and she jiggles her leg at about sixty miles an hour.

Her mother would scold her if she saw her sitting like this. _You're not being queen like! A queen sits with poise. Glares at her subjects. And she listens to them!_

But Lena couldn't give three figs about this. About being queen. She had never wanted the throne to the underworld, but Lillian had passed it down to her and since men historically couldn't take the mantel, it was up to Lena to do it.

Lena had tried to refuse the position. She'd even run half way around the world to do so. Had even tried to fake her death many times but mother always knew.

“Stop being ridiculous,” she'd scoff and glare at Lex when he'd laugh at how mother dragged Lena back by the scruff of her neck after digging her out of the tomb. Lex sometimes helped Lena plan these things; just as often he helped her, he'd rat her out too. One could never be sure when to count on him.

But what did it matter. He had freedom, freedom to do whatever he wanted. Which apparently meant setting up the biggest and most successful franchise of night clubs in the overworld. Or human world, as it was commonly referred to.

She didn't peg him for the type. But he did always know how to make a mean drink so perhaps she should have seen it coming. Damn. Now she really wanted a drink.

It was decided, she was closing court.

“Alright,” she got up and the man kneeling before her throne stuttered to a stop. “I've had enough of this. The court is closed. More pressing matters have come up.”

“More pressing matters than werewolves laying siege to our lands?” the war council member spat irritably. He did not like being dismissed like a peasant. Lena dusted off some lint on her red velvet in disinterest.

“Yea, well I'm sure you and your buddies can figure something out. How hard is it to just dump some silver on those mutts?” she said derisively. “Let me know what it is you've decided at the end when you've got your shit together.” And she strode off, ready to party the night away.

Mother was away on vacation in Transylvania so it would be a while before she could come back and berate Lena for shirking her duties.

Because honestly, who would want to be queen at this age? It was boring, political mumbo jumbo. And Lena was young. Only 240 years old. She wanted to travel the world, drink lots of blood, get laid. Normal things a vampire her age did in this era. And mother couldn't understand that.

Lena never understood why mother even gave her the throne if she was so 'incompetent' as mother would say.

Lena could hear the war council guy- she didn't even bother to know his name- mumble a curse under his breath at her, but she closed the doors to her room behind her and went to her personal chambers.

**II. Interesting Parties**

“Shouldn't you holding court?” Lex asks over the sound of throbbing bass music and screaming humans. The high end club is filled with blue light and the smells of alcohol, sweat, and human lust.

“And shouldn't you have hair?” Lena cut back in equal measure.

He ran a self conscious hand over his bald shiny head. It was something that irked him greatly. The fact that despite gaining immortality, he had lost all his hair because of it and no matter what, couldn't grow it back. Many a night she had heard him crying in the bathroom, surrounded by empty Rogaine bottles. 

He gave her a dirty look. “Don't change the subject.” He narrowed his eyes. “You're shirking your duties. Again.” He was exasperated.

“And you're overcharging for one of your drinks. Again,” she retorted as she took a sip of the delicious but too expensive beverage that she knew did not cost this much to make. “And really, charging your sister? What kind of a brother are you?”

“You shouldn't be here,” he scowled, crossed his arms over his chest. He had been bar tending before she interrupted him and this left the bar a bit short staffed as his two other workers scurried to serve drinks to the angry and impatient drunks.

“I am the damned queen. I can do what I please,” she said distractedly, looking around the club. She noticed a lot of a vampires here. It was no secret that many felt comfortable coming to Lex's club because he had a special underground room where humans and vampires could hook up in a consensual kink play involving blood- or at least the humans thought it was kink and not dinner. A few of the vampires slunk back in worry when seeing her, concerned that she would hurt them for trying to prey on humans this publicly, while others nodded their head respectfully to her and continued their hunt.

And then there were the humans. One, human in particular. Lena could see her across the room, her super senses zoning in one her. She was blonde and tall. Muscles rippling under her skin each time she gyrated erotically, drink in one hand.

She would have been an excellent dancer if she hadn't been too buzzed. But that didn't matter, Lena could stand there all night and watch her. Everything seemed to shrink back; the sound, the sights, the smells, until Lena could only see her.

“Lena, are you even listening?” Lex snapped his fingers at her, trying to get her attention back. He had gone off on some sort of diatribe while she'd had her back to him. No doubt about how she should be more responsible.

“Hold my drink,” she said in an absent minded manner and shoved it at him before shoving her hands into her pockets and striding up to the human girl with all the cockiness she could muster.

**III. Prey and Predator **

“What's your name?” Lena shouted over the music. It was louder here, the DJ really tearing it up with his playlist.

It takes a moment for the words to register. “Kara. And you are?”

“Lena.” She grabs Kara's hand and kisses the back of it. An old formality when courting but Lena can't help it. The girl looks good enough to eat. And smells even better.

Something like shock and lust register in Kara's drunken orbs. She takes in Lena's form in a new light now. Takes in her red velvet suit that she should be sweating in but she's not, and her tight ponytail holding jet black hair high up. Her sharp cheekbones, those cutting eyes, and that irrepressible smirk.

There are few mortals who can resist her charms. Kara is not one of them.

“Would you like to dance?” she doesn't let go of Kara's hand, but she's not holding her captive, merely enjoying the feel of the warmth of it, of the pulse pounding under her thumb.

“Sure.”

And one thing is for sure, Lena does not dance in an old fashioned manner. She isn't afraid to get close and dirty and Kara only encourages her, breathless at the end of each song. “How are you such a damned good dancer?”

“Perhaps because I'm sober?” she teases, tongue in cheek and Kara laughs. “Fair point.”

“Maybe you would like me to get you some water?” Lena suggests, because while the taste of alcohol doesn't bother her, it does leave a sour taste in her mouth to have to sleep with someone that's too wasted and won't appreciate just all the tricks she can do with her tongue.

Kara is clearly taken a back by this; in a pleasant manner. “You're not going to buy me a drink? Usually guys buy me drinks so they can win me over.”

“I assure you, I don't need such low handed tactics to win someone I'm interested in, over. And you will very much want to be sober if you decide you're captivated enough to spend the night with me.”

Kara's cheeks flush and Lena can smell the arousal leaking from her. “Oh.” She breathes out. “Um, yea. Water than.” Lena takes her empty cup and weaves her way over to the bar, keeping one eye on her in case anyone is foolish enough to approach. The vampires know better than; they've seen the queen make her claim, they would be suicidal to try and fight it.

Humans, however, are dumber when it comes to that, so she'll need to watch out for them.

“What are you doing?” Lex frowns at her as she fills the water.

“Trying to get laid. What else does it look like? And before you chastise me, I have needs. A queen, can have needs.”

“But a human?” he sighs out, relaxing because he knows it'll be a lost cause to continue this argument.

She rolls her eyes. “Oh spare me. Like you haven't fucked a human every now and then.”

He shakes his head, giving up. “Just don't cause a scandal. Like last time.”

“No promises,” and she goes back to Kara.

It's only natural that once Kara has drank enough water and sobered up a bit, that they end up fucking. It's all very chaste at first. Kara doesn't even kiss her on the dance floor, merely leans in and murmurs in a low and husky enough voice in Lena's ear to raise the hairs on the back of her neck, that she wants to be taken home.

Home for Lena happens to be in a system of caves deep below the earth in an ice cold castle with no heating or human comforts, so she takes them to the penthouse she has rented for such an occasion.

Kara is taken with how nice it is, and Lena gives her time to explore while she pours juice for them into the glasses. Kara also smells a bit nervous, so Lena's not going to push her.

She likes her prey, willing. And not running.

When at last the tour is over, Kara having cooed enough over the city skyline view, she meets Lena at the kitchen island, sipping on her juice contemplatively as Lena quietly assesses her.

“I've never been with a woman before,” Kara admits at last. With the drink out of her system mostly, she's a bit shy and doesn't exactly meet Lena's eyes. Lena wishes she wouldn't do that, because Kara's eyes are really pretty.

Lena arches her brows. “Never?”

“Well, I fooled around a bit,” she admits, unable to hold Lena's gaze. “But never, like, all the way.”

Lena smiles. “Well then,” she leans in, enticingly, “you're going to be in for a treat your first time.”

Kara shudders in anticipation.


	2. Chapter 2

**IV. Porn**

Kara is a screamer.

Lena wouldn't have thought that, given how the girl's been not much of a talker.

But Lena always had the talent of pushing people to the edge, whether an actual ledge, or a metaphorical ledge of pleasure.

Kara's fisting the sheets next to her head, groaning and moaning as her hips writhe. Lena is holding them down as best she can, mouth hot on Kara's core. She can feel the blonde absolutely throbbing down there, and she's gushing out pleasure like she's trying to drown Lena in it.

Not that the vampire minds. She loves Kara's taste.

"Oh-fuck- oh shit. L...Lena," Kara is a blubbering mess, quickly dissolving into this.

Naturally, Lena had taken it slow at first. Lead Kara to the bedroom, sat her down. Kissed her slowly with lingering lips.

Meant to ease Kara into this. Lena didn't want to scare her away. And she _needed_ to sleep with Kara. It was very rarely humans evoked such a response inside her, and she knew she would not be able to live with herself if she didn't sample a bit of Kara tonight. Even if it was just to be kissing.

But pretty soon Kara's worked up. Breathing heavily into the kisses. Leaning more into them. Hands getting curious. Greedy. Lena can smell the arousal dripping off of her and she tentatively places a hand on Kara's thigh.

Kara sucks in a breath at this and drags Lena's hand up higher, right to the center of her jeans. The spot is heated. Lena can hear the blood pounding through it. "I think I'm ready," Kara said.

Lena nods her head and pushes her to the covers and the rest, well the rest is glorious sex.

Lena knows to be careful. Humans are fragile. She holds back her strength.

She also knows humans don't have high stamina's. While Lena could fuck all night, they can't. Which is why sleeping with vampires is what vampires prefer to do unless they're looking for a blood meal.

But not Lena. She admires that human fragility.

Kara surprises her, however. She's not tired by the third round, despite how hard she comes. She's not tired by the fifth, despite having screamed herself hoarse. And she still looks up to having sex on the tenth round if Lena hadn't gently pushed the blonde's mouth away from her nipple.

Kara is a cautious lover. Treating Lena's body like glass least the pleasure break her.

Lena is an artistic lover. She makes Kara's body like glass from all the pleasure on her.

"We should take a break," Lena breathes out. The sex has been good but humans need their sleep. Especially if Lena plans on continuing this in the morning.

"Oh...sorry. I didn't think-I mean I should have-"

Lena laughs. "It's alright Kara. I'm not tired. Trust me, I could fuck you for the rest of eternity if I needed too."

Kara looks deeply touched by her words. It seems humans aren't used to such romantic and deep statements being stated anymore, but Lena loves the eloquence and the forever quality of them.

"But you need your sleep so we can continue this tomorrow."

"You're letting me stay the night?" Kara asks, so adorably confused and shocked from her position in straddling Lena's waist.

"Of course. Did you think I wouldn't?"

Kara shakes her head. "That's...that's why I was afraid to stop. If this was my only night with you, then I wanted to have you, have all you could offer me."

Seemed Kara was fluent in sappy sayings. Lena cups her cheeks.

"Don't worry. I have so much left to gift you. But sleep, for now."

And Kara nods her head at this promise, slides in next to Lena. Lena makes sure to place the sheets between them so Kara won't be able to feel the affects of lying next to ice cold skin. The human snuggles up to her, one arm around her waist and Lena strokes her hair as the human falls asleep.

Lena looks at the ceiling because vampires can't sleep. And when it's safe to do so, she slides out of bed and helps herself to the secret stash of chilled blood in the back of her fridge.

**V. Ruining the Moment**

The night of good sex gets ruined of course, when Kara wakes up the next morning and realizes Lena is a vampire.

And promptly tries to kill her.

"Kara, you're _so_ ruining the moment. I even made breakfast for you," Lena sighs out, disappointed. She had had it all planned out. Waking Kara up with a kiss, maybe some good morning head, and then bringing her breakfast in bed before they continued upon their promise last night.

But it was all ruined now when a sober Kara had nuzzled her face into Lena's neck and found no pulse there. Kara is pacing in front of the kitchen island which is separating them- the same kitchen island that had seen Kara bent over and fucked until her voice went raw.

"You have a hangover. You can't kill me like that," Lena stated calmly, biting into an apple. Damn, she used to love apples; she still can't get over her disappointment each time she is tempted into biting one and finding it tastes like ash.

"Ugh," Kara groaned out, pushing her glasses up her nose. Lena didn't know she wore any. She looks adorable in them. "I can still try." She held the stake in her hand and the bottle of holy water in her other but her hands were shaking and she looked visibly ill with the amount of physical exertion already done.

"You really shouldn't have drank that much last night," Lena commented, throwing the apple out and swallowing down the bitter remains. "Here, have some breakfast, maybe it'll make you feel better." She pushes the plate towards her. Lena is so calm that it bothers Kara, who is puzzled by this reaction.

"Aren't you scared?" she asks, and really why would Lena be scared of a hungover woman in butterfly patterned underwear trying to kill her.

"Why would I be?"

"Because...because I'm a monster hunter," Kara whispers out as if afraid of her own title. Ashamed of it.

Lena snorts. "Yea, a monster hunter who couldn't even tell they'd slept with a vampire until today. Not really much of a threat to me."

"Hey!" Kara flushed in indignation and embarrassment. "I was just...drunk okay? If I wasn't I totally would have killed you."

Lena rolls her eyes. "Sure. Just like you killed that bug in the bathroom yesterday. You made _me_ do it."

"It just...surprised me, okay?" Kara huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. Her embarrassment at that memory is well displayed.

Lena is not convinced. "Eat." She nudges the plate closer to Kara. "I promise I didn't poison it. If I really wanted to hurt you, I would have already."

Kara twists up her lips but her stomach must win out over her brain because she sits down, eyeing Lena and placing her stake and holy water close within reach. It's good to know Kara can be easily won over with her stomach.

Kara lets out a moan at the first bit of food. "How are you so good at cooking? You don't even need to eat!"

"Just another one of my many talents," Lena winks. A talent wrought of sleeping with many humans over the decades and learning how to cook breakfast from overnight stays.

Kara swallows. Gives what she thinks is a hard look. "Don't think I'm won over by this. I'm still going to kill you afterwards."

Honestly what were the odds of Lena having slept with a monster hunter. One who couldn't even kill her. "Sure. I'll be watching TV when you decide to do that." And she goes to do just that.

**VI. Bad at Her Job**

"You know, something tells me you're really not good at this whole monster slaying business," Lena says confidently.

"And what gives you that impression?" Kara grunts out and jerks her hips as Lena pushes three fingers in and out of her quickly on the couch.

"Well, the fact that you attempted to assassinate me while I was watching TV by throwing the bottle of holy water at me, unopened, and the fact that you are letting me fuck you. Again."

"It could all be a trap," Kara panted out as her back arched up. Her eyes fluttered open and shut. "I could be luring you into bed so that I can penetrate you with my stake when you least expect it."

"The only thing being penetrated is _you_ right now on _my_ fingers," Lena said, licking a long stripe down Kara's neck, her pulse pounding underneath.

"Hngh," Kara stressed but what point she was trying to make now Lena couldn't get. Kara pulled her in closer, nails biting into her shirt. Their lips fell into a hungry kiss. Kara came on Lena's fingers, almost gushing and definitely staining the couch.

Kara relaxed her hold and they spent some time looking at each other, assessing each other like two apex predators, Lena on top and Kara on bottom, breathing still irregular. Lena arched a cocky brow, letting it slowly climb up her face.

"So, ready to penetrate me with that stake yet?" she teased.

"Uh, maybe, maybe..." Kara licked her lips. "Maybe I think I need to seduce you more. Because clearly...clearly your guard is up."

"By all means, do so," Lena leaned in and kissed her hard again.

They don't leave that couch for the rest of the morning.

When they finish, Lena slides her clothes back on, not bothering to hide her super speed from Kara because she knows she's a vampire anyways.

"That was...so not...fair," Kara pants, trying to catch her breath and arm slung over her head. She's lying boneless on the couch from pleasure and her cheeks are red from exertion. "You used...dirty methods...to undermine me."

Lena tosses her a careless grin. "So, what will you have for dinner? I make a mean steak." Lena doesn't wait for an answer, just goes and makes the food.

Kara is drawn to the smell of it and approaches half grumpily, half dressed. "This doesn't mean I won't kill you. Because I will."

Lena tsks. "I'm more worried for you and what harm might come to you if you try to attempt that, than any harm that could befall me. Which is why I've taken the liberty of throwing away all your vampire hunting items."

"You went through my stuff?!" Kara gasps.

"I didn't go through it so much as it was strewn all over the floor. You may have your implements back when you leave."

"Unbelievable," Kara huffs. "How can I trust that you won't hurt me? Or drink my blood?"

"Because if I had wanted to, I would have done it on the dance floor." Lena turns around and plops the medium rare steak on Kara's plate. "Also, I enjoy sex with you too much to do that."

Kara flushes at the candid answer and eats the steak up eagerly, too hungry to say no to it.


	3. Chapter 3

**VII. A New Fan**

"Lena, why is there a woman stalking us?" Lex asked in annoyance as he and Lena walked the streets at night, looking for some potential meals. They looked like two ends of the spectrum. He in a white plain shirt, khaki shorts, and flip flops, and she in a tailored three piece navy blue suit and small tie.

The woman in question was Kara, who was not being discreet about this at all. She was currently peering out from behind a mailbox and dressed in a clown suit as a disguise. A terrible disguise really. Who had taught her how to be a monster hunter? Weren't they skilled in ninja like stealth and spy like deception and immersion?

"I may or may not have slept with her."

That had been about a week ago, and Lena had not left her phone number, because despite how much she enjoyed sex with Kara, Lena was trying not to drag the inexperienced monster hunter into her dangerous world.

"Another one of your love struck victims?" he groused.

"And she may or may not be a monster hunter."

This gave him pause. "Are you crazy?" he turned on her, jerking her to a stop. This unexpected motion almost made Kara bump into them and she dove behind a parked car to hide once more. They both pretended not to notice. "Why would you do that? Do you want to endanger our whole community?" he hissed.

"Relax," Lena shook off his hold. "She can't even kill a roach."

"I so can!" came the indignant response. They both turned to look at Kara whose eyes were wide open in shock and she had her hands clamped over her mouth as if betrayed by it. "Oops," she said weakly.

Lena sighed and Lex said, "I can see what you mean. She's not exactly dangerous."

* * *

"Just because she's not dangerous, doesn't mean you bring her to my club," he said when they did just that. Talk about switching up fast.

"Lex, she was already in your club." Lena pointed this out as she sipped the cocktail he had made. Kara was sitting next to her at the bar, also drinking one. Once more, it seemed her stomach won over her mind and she accepted sustenance from enemies.

"Yes, but she didn't know I was a vampire."

"You're a vampire too?" Kara said in shock and Lena looked at him with an 'Are you dumb?' face.

"Did I just expose myself?" he asked himself, planting a hand over his eyes in annoyance. Kara reached for the stake strapped to her hip bone only to find it gone. "What the he-"

Lena held it up and then promptly crushed it to dust in her grip. Kara frowned. "So not fair."

"You can take off the costume too. It looks dumb and frankly we could see you coming from a mile away in it."

"You look dumb," Kara mumbled childishly but took off the bright red and curly wig. Her hair was a mess underneath.

"So what are we going to do about her?" Lex asked, leaning against the bar. "Kill her? Threaten her? Suck her dry?" Kara grew paler at each mention.

Lena shook her head no. "I don't think she poises any harm to us."

"Why are you talking about me like I'm not here," Kara grumbled. She was upset they weren't taking her seriously.

"She can't even stalk us," Lena added on, before turning to Kara with an important question. "Who trained you? You must really ask for a refund."

"I didn't actually get trained," Kara said sheepishly, running a finger around the rim of her drink. "I found some guy dying on my doorstep and he told me I had to carry on the legacy of his kind as his last wish, and so I kind of have been doing that."

Lena arched a brow. Interesting. Lex did the same.

"That's kind of an asshole move for him to do; just throwing that whole mantle upon your shoulders," Lena commented, shaking the ice in her empty cup for a refill. Lex hurriedly made one using his speed.

"And how has that been going for you?" Lex asked not unkindly.

Kara shrugged. "Not...well, actually. I've only begun grasping the concepts in his books and I don't quite like the hidden world they depict. And there's so many methods to killing monsters." She blanched at that.

"Have you fought anyone?" Lena asked.

"You're the second vampire I've faced," Kara admitted to her.

"What happened to the first one?"

"I destroyed them."

"No you didn't."

"No I didn't," Kara amended, looking a little like a kicked puppy to have to face up to the fact she wasn't a successful hunter.

"So what really happened?" Lena pressed.

"They uh, got away." She shrugged. "I don't really do the killing thing so I don't know how I'm supposed to vanquish you guys."

"Then quit, if it's not for you."

Kara shook her head at Lena's suggestion. "He was talking about something really bad happening if I didn't stop some vampires from getting this key."

Lena frowned. "What key?"

Kara narrowed her eyes at her in suspicion. "I'm not sure I'm supposed to tell you."

"You could not tell me but then I'd order a whole bunch of vampires to look it up for me anyways, which could cause the bad vampires to get their hands on it. Or you could tell me and I tell no one."

"I doubt you can order vampires around like that. You'd have to be like...I dunno, their queen or something."

When Lena didn't say anything to this, Kara spit her drink out and began coughing wildly. Lex dodged her mouthful. "You...oh shit..you're one of them?"

"Not one of them, but the _one,_" Lena corrected. "And believe me, it's not all sunshine and rainbows being the queen."

"She doesn't like to talk about it," Lex added in a hushed manner as he continued cleaning the glasses.

"Oh. Okay." Kara looked at Lena with renewed awe. And something like hunger. Lena found she liked this look a lot on the blonde.

**VIII. A Plan**

Lex snaps his fingers in front of their face to stop their lusty staring and the moment they have fallen into. "Focus, and stop trying to eye fuck each other."

Kara jerks awake and away, so fast she would have fallen out of the chair if Lena hadn't caught her by the elbow and rightened her. "I'm not-we're not-!"

"Save it, I already know you two slept together," Lex explains.

Kara gives Lena a betrayed look. Lena rolls her eyes. "He could smell you on me when I came back."

"It was disgusting. I wish you would shower instead of subjecting me to that terror," Lex said flatly. Lena leaned over and pinched his cheek. "You are so adorable when you get mad."

He slapped her hand away. "So, have we decided anything? What are we doing with the human?"

Lena put her chin in her hand and leaned against the table, an appraising look in her eyes. "I think I'm going to keep her."

Kara spits out her drink a second time. Lex dodges the spray with mild annoyance. "Keep me?" the blonde shrills out. Lena pats her on the back so she can stop choking.

"Lena, she is not a pet. It's not like you can take her back home and fed her and wash her and expect the vampires not to get pissy that a human, much less a monster hunter, is there."

"Who said I'm going back home?"

Lex furrowed his brows. "Are you trying to cause a war to erupt? Trying to have chaos overtake the queendom? Lena you cannot just leave the court unattended-"

"So you be queen. You're certainly melodramatic enough to be one," she muttered into her drink.

"I cannot! What, you expect me to dress up and pretend I'm a woman?" he demanded angrily, hands on hips.

Lena cocks a brow, slowly. Tilts her head. Gives him a knowing smile.

His anger falters a bit. "You cannot- you cannot seriously expect me to do that! If the court finds out, they'll kill us both!"

She leaned in, voice delighted. "I guess then we have to do everything in our power to make sure they don't find out."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm not even cut out to be queen."

"Oh don't give me that rubbish. You know the rules better than me because you're always admonishing me for breaking them. And you run a multimillion nightclub franchise. That's practically the same as being queen."

"I can't believe you," he muttered, distraught.

"And besides," Lena enticed, "you'd get to wear a wig. You can have luscious hair and no one would even blink an eye at such a thing."

That was what really got him. He ran a hand over his sad bald scalp and twisted his lips up as he still resisted trying to cave. "And even if I'm dressed up, I still look a bit too manly to be you."

She waved a hand. A trifle, really. "Semantics. We'll get a magic spell made or something. From one of the witches."

"And what are you going to do with her?" He gestured at Kara who frowned.

"Still in the room. Still can hear you talking about me."

Lex gave her another free drink on the house to shut her up. She took it.

"I'm going to see this key thing she's talking about."

"Since when do you care about saving the world?" Lex asked, unconvinced.

"And why do you think I'll just give that info up to you," Kara countered at Lena.

"Because you're sleeping on the couch if you don't," was the snapped response.

"We're not even married," Kara pouted into her glass.

Lex was able to read through Lena's reasoning. "You want to find the key and hold it over mother's head so you won't have to continue being on the throne. You know that's a stupid idea." He announced in an 'I should have known' manner."

"It is when you put it that way." The Key to being free. Had a nice ring to it despite Lex raining on her parade.

"Honestly, I thought you would have stopped trying such shenanigans to get rid of your job. Can't you accept the fact it's your job, your position?"

"No," Lena said stubbornly and childishly. "Mother could still do it. She's nowhere near old enough to retire. She's got a couple decades still in her."

"Fine, whatever. But I just hope this plan doesn't backfire," he said, scrubbing the counters that Kara had spit all over. "Also, that's forty bucks for the drinks."

"Seriously? You're charging your own sister?"


	4. Chapter 4

**IX. Hot Girl Summer**

“Sooo.... how old are you?” Kara asked as they walked away from Lex's bar. Lena would make sure to make the arrangements for that deal with him later; right now she had to focus on getting Kara to cooperate with the plan.

“240 years old.”

“That makes you a cougar!” Kara seemed to be truly shocked about this.

Lena rolls her eyes. “But I look about your age, so I'm not a cougar.”

“Still, you're cradle robbing!”

Lena eyes Kara weirdly. “Oh, don't get so high and mighty about it when it turns you on that you're with an older and more experienced woman.”

“I-what- you- no!” Kara sputters and Lena taps her nose. “I can smell your arousal. Don't lie to me. Now, lead the way to your apartment.”

Kara stews at Lena's correct guess and crosses her arms over her chest. “Why are you going to my apartment?”

“Duh, so I can work on this whole hunter thing with you.”

“You can't be serious.”

“Deathly. Now, lead the way.”

“I'm not going to just let you, a vampire I barely know, waltz into my apartment!” Kara exclaims.

Lena leans in, stops their walking. Kara's cheeks flush. “Kara, I already saw the inside of your vagina. I think we know each other pretty well. Better than most.”

“It's still a no,” Kara insists stubbornly. She stamps her foot for extra measure. The tantrum would be cute if it wasn't inconvenient to Lena's plans.

A waft of something sweet carries over on a breeze and Lena changes tactics. “Why don't we talk this over a nice plate of cake?” she guides Kara gently by the elbow to the nearby cafe.

Ten minutes later she finds herself in Kara's apartment, the blonde hastening to put her newly acquired whole cake in the fridge. Kara had already gorged herself on several slices before but the woman's sweet tooth knew no bounds so Lena had indulged and bought her some to take home. Watching the blonde enjoy the food had been a treat; she was always so into the food and it made Lena long that she could eat it as well.

When Kara shuts the fridge door closed, she finds Lena leaning against the wall, arms crossed, ankles crossed and smugly arched brow up. Kara deflates, knowing she's lost. “I couldn't let the cake melt outside, okay? I had to get it home soon.”

Lena accepts that thinly veiled excuse. “It's quaint,” she comments about the place. Quaint is an over statement. It's kind of a dump. Green molding, like seriously? And a brown sink?

Either it was by design or because of accumulated dirt.

“If you don't like it, you don't have to stay here. Not all of us can be rich queens of the underworld.”

“I'll just add my Luthor touch to it and it'll be alright,” Lena says arrogantly, already designing the new space in her head. She angles her fingers into a rectangle, looking through it and picturing the new look.

“A great Luthor touch would be you making an exit, now,” Kara says, trying to affect a tough front.

“Are you stereotyping me right now?” Lena fakes outrage, placing a hand to her chest.

“Um, what?” Kara blinks owlishly.

“Just because I'm a vampire you expect me to what, poof out of here? Turn into a bat and fly out the window?”

“That's not what I meant- you could leave the place through the door-”

“I will have you know, my kind may be terrible but even we don't deserve to be discriminated against,” Lena puts her hands on her hips.

“I wasn't trying to-I'm- Geeze I'm sorry!” Kara exclaims, so easily flustered. Lena will never stop loving to tease her.

“I suppose it's alright,” Lena sniffs and sits down on the counter. “But if you really want to make it up to me, I know in which way you can.” She oh so slowly spreads her clothed legs open. Kara's eyes nearly bugle out of her skull at this.

It takes a long time for her to answer with the way her eyes are glued to the crotch of Lena's pants. “What-no!” she tries to sound offended but she only sounds needy. She shakes her head, gathers her senses. “You're messing with me, aren't you?” she pinches the bridge of her nose and walks away from Lena's vampire wiles.

Lena gets off the counter. “I can't help it if you're this easy to rile up.”

“I'm glad you feel that way,” Kara says flatly.

“Now, I really hope you don't snore,” Lena says as she takes off her suit jacket and folds it neatly over the couch back. She begins to work on unbuttoning her shirt too. “You didn't the one time we slept together but really, it could have been a fluke and how am I to know if you snore on the regular.”

“I do not snore!” Kara pointed out. “And what the hell are you doing?”

“Getting ready for bed?” Lena cocked her head as if Kara was the daft one here.

“Your bed is across the city.”

“Don't be silly, I was referring to your bed.

“Who said you could stay over?” Kara's voice went up two pitches.

“Kara, dear,” Lena smiled, cupping Kara's warm cheek. “You are too kind hearted to throw me out into the cold in the middle of the dark night.”

“Don't you thrive in both those conditions?” Kara pointed out flatly.

Lena ignored her, dropping her hand. “Besides, I need to protect you. I can't let an untrained monster hunter go out and do such dangerous things without knowing what she's getting into. Think of this like the training montage of a young hero's life and I am going to be your master, making you do ridiculous things to test your mettle.”

Kara closed her eyes, took in deep breaths. “I can't believe this is what my life has become.” She said to herself and Lena kept her lips from curling up in a premature smile. “Fine,” she begrudgingly agreed. “But you get the couch.”

“I am not sleeping on the couch. I am a vampire queen.”

“Oh so now when it's convenient you play the queen card,” Kara grumbled.

“We can just share the bed, like two responsible and sexually active adults,” Lena said, zooming up closer to Kara and wrapping her arms around her neck, gazing down at her seductively.

“No. We are not doing that again. Besides, you're a vampire. You don't even need sleep.”

Lena made puppy dog eyes.

Kara began to visible squirm under the effect of it. So Lena redoubled her efforts.

“Ugh! Fine! You can stay, but only until we figure this key thing out. And then I am kicking you out of here, got it?” She wagged a stern finger.

“Of course,” Lena purred, leaning back so Kara could breath.

This was going to be a fun hot girl summer.

**X. Hot Girl Bummer**

Kara was already in bed by the time Lena showed up. The poor blonde had the covers pulled up to her nose as if that would stop Lena's machinations. The black haired woman had taken extra caution to put moisturizer on her legs so that they were baby smooth. She even bathed herself in mint. And curled her hair lightly so is cascaded like black waves down her exposed shoulders. She even wore one of her more sexy pjs so as to leave nothing to the imagination.

She slid into the bed right under the covers, watching Kara shift away from her.

But the efforts would be futile. Lena could smell her arousal, and hear her quickened heart beat.

“You know...” she drawled, sliding closer as Kara slid farther until she reached the edge of her big bed. “You may suck as a monster hunter, but I surely know you can give killer head. Why don't we start there upon your path of learning?”

Lena startled a bit when Kara turned around and shoved a cross into her face. “Begone with your evil temptations!”

Lena grabbed the cross and threw it away.

“Why-why didn't that burn you?” Kara asked, bewildered.

“I'm actually a practicing Catholic.”

Kara discreetly tossed away the rosary back into it's spot under the pillow because it wouldn't work either. “It doesn't matter, either way I've taken precautions against you and your evil wiles.” Kara pulled back on the covers, and her nightgown, and knocked a hand on some metal contraption covering her nether region.

“Tell me that isn't a chastity belt.” Lena said in disbelief.

“It is.” Kara said this proudly. “And I threw away the key. So you won't be able to unlock it-”

Kara was cut off when Lena slid down, licked the lock and it opened, causing the rest of the belt to open as well.

“The hell?” Kara gaped. 

“Oh, didn't you know,” Lena smiled, doing away with the remains of it and straddling Kara's waist as she pinned the blonde to the bed. The smell of arousal was becoming even stronger. “Vampires can pick locks by licking them. Old fact but not one many know.”

Kara scowled.

“See, aren't you glad I'm here? You're already learning so many new things you hadn't known before,” Lena said, raking her hands down Kara's stomach. She pressed a kiss to Kara's eager lips. The blonde was trying to resist falling for her charms but they both knew she didn't have the stamina for that. Soon her hands had crawled up to Lena's hair and were tugging the luscious black locks.

Lena lowered herself until she was facing Kara's panties, tugging them down with her ivory fangs. But something stopped her there. Something odd.

“....Did you put garlic in your vagina?” Lena asked.

“To ward off vampires. They don't like it,” Kara said, slightly breathlessly as Lena rested her head against her thigh, a sort of playful smile on her face. Her yellow cat like eyes were gleaming in the dark of the room. She did have to hand it, Kara was creative and stubborn.

“I'm Italian,” Lena commented and then dove right in.


	5. Chapter 5

**XI. Kara's New Roommate**

Kara's keys dropped to the floor of her apartment as she took in the sight before her. Her mouth flapped open and closed uncontrollably.

She gave a look out the door to see if this really was her apartment number. But it was. She was in the right place. She came in, hands on her hips as she glared at Lena who was sitting on a new white couch, reading the newspaper.

Lena was frowning down at the text. “You would think journalism would be exempt from all the fallacies it had in the 19th century but it's still the same. Garbage,” she tossed the paper derisively onto the new coffee table.

“Lena....” Kara began slowly. “What the hell happened to my apartment?”

Lena threw her arm over the couch back. She was dressed in another immaculate suit. This one in a bright baby blue, complete with a dickie and big white bowtie. “Oh this?” she causally looked around, shrugged. “I just added a couple new things here and there.” She got up, picked up a ebony elephant she had on the coffee table. “You like it? Its tusks double as a candle holder.”

But the candle holder elephant wasn't the elephant in the room that Lena was ignoring. The whole apartment was the issue!

Kara rushed over to Lena and set the elephant down. “No, that's not-just look!” she held her arms out. “Everything's gone! The floors marble,” she stamped on it in emphasis. “The windows are from floor to ceiling,” she rushed to them and touched them to prove this point.

“I just scrubbed those, don't get smudges on them,” Lena reprimanded but was ignored.

“The kitchen is state of the art,” Kara opened the new stove, the fridge, microwave and toaster, all in steel gray. “And I now have a walk in closet,” she tore the door open, showing that none of her old clothes were there, replaced by more fashionable outfits. And half of Lena's clothes were moved in.

Lena shrugged. “Yea, it all looks nice.”

“Lena! Don't play dumb! You bought all this shit and had my place renovated without me knowing while I was at work! You even got me new clothes!”

“You're welcome,” she said. “No need to get on your knees and kiss my feet for it.”

“Can you take this seriously for a second!” Kara fumed. “Who gave you the right to-”

The door bell rang. “Whose that?” Kara grumbled, annoyed that her rant had been cut off. It had been a good one. 

“Ah, that must be the pizza delivery boy,” Lena commented easily and opened the door, paid for the food, and brought it back to the new dining room table. “I got your favorite. Pepperoni.”

Kara's lips twisted up. “I do like pepperoni,” she said to herself before caving in and rushing to the warm smell of pizza. She had gobbled down about three slices before finally remembering herself and glaring up at Lena. “I know what you're doing and it's not working.”

Lena hiked her brows up innocently.

“I've learned what you buying me food means, and I will not be distracted by it.”

“And here I was exited to show you the new recipe for dessert I learned.”

“You really don't play fair, do you?” Kara hissed out but the look was fifty percent less effective with pizza sauce on her chin. Lena leaned over and wiped it off with a napkin.

“I really don't,” Lena assured with a cocky grin. 

**XII. Kara's New Boss**

“Holy shit,” Kara grabbed her chest, nearly having a heart attack as she dropped some papers to the floor. Lena bent down to get them before giving them to her with an innocent smile.

“Hello Ms. Danvers,” she said robotically. She was trying to pretend she didn't know the blonde. “What a pleasure to meet my personal assistant. I hope we can get along well today.”

“Personal Assistant?” Kara questioned, pushing her glasses up her nose and making that adorably confused face of hers.

“Ah, you didn't know?” Lena asked, tsking. She had on a pencil skirt, heels, and a tight blouse on today. Her hair was down from her high ponytail for once. She made a stunning figure, especially in the large lobby they were in, a couple of people passing them by but not close enough to overhear.

“No?” Kara was only getting more and more confused.

“I'm now the owner of Cat Co. Or well, Luthor Corp as I now call it,” she said with a proud grin.

Kara's jaw dropped.

“If you keep your mouth open like that I might be tempted to put it somewhere to good use,” Lena teased and Kara shut it with an audible click. “But isn't Cat-”

“Nope.”

“And she really just-”

“Yup.”

Kara huffed, pushing up her glasses again. “I find it really hard to believe that Cat would all of a sudden just give her company, the one she's worked for, the one she put her sweat and tears into, to you for what, money?”

“No, I simply told her to abdicate her seat of power and she did.”

Kara blinked. “How the hell did you do that?”

“I'm the vampire queen or did you forget,” Lena pointed out sourly. Despite hating her literal dead end job, it did have its perks now and again.

“And what does that have anything to do with-?” Kara trailed off, letting Lena fill in the blanks.

Lena sighed out. “Are you sure you're an investigative journalist, because the clues are all there.” And then it dawned on Lena. “You didn't know she was a vampire?!”

“Cat? _The_ Cat Grant was a vampire?” Kara blanched.

“I thought maybe you knew and that's why you joined the journalism career, so as to kill her- no one in their sound mind would chose it of their free will- but you honestly didn't know.”

“No wonder she would always look at my neck like that,” Kara mussed, half in shock.

“You really are a terrible monster hunter.”

“I'm still learning, okay,” Kara snapped back, flustered. Was everyone around her a vampire? Was Molly from HR one? Or Todd from the cafeteria one?

She was going to have to discreetly find out.

“Where's Cat now?”

“I sent her to Aruba.”

“Don't vampires burn in sunlight?”

Huh. Lena had forgotten all about that.

Down far in the south, Cat was currently burning up as soon as she stepped foot outside the airport. People around her screamed in horror as she burst into flames.

Lena scrunched up her face. She really didn't know how to reward her people properly. This is why she had Lex as replacement queen.

“That actually brings up a good point. How are you not burning in daylight right now?” Kara jerked her thumb to the windows in which the bright sunlight was pouring in through.

“Oh, just really strong sunscreen.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Huh.”

“Not all vampires use it. Being out in the day is not comfortable for many of us. But I happen to like humanity and not want to be all edge-lord because of my condition.” She smiled at Kara. “Want to see my office?”

“I have work- articles to print- sections to proofread-”

“It's got an amazing view,” Lena enticed.

“Oh, fuck it, fine,” Kara gave up the act of being disinterested. “I always wanted to see what that prissy bitch had as her office.”

“Did you know I also installed a minibar in it,” Lena talked amicably to Kara as they went to go see it.

“Of course you did.”

**XIII. New Assistant**

“I thought you were kidding about making me your assistant,” Kara groaned as she was forced to book appointments for Lena.

On paper, it sounded fun running and owning a company, but in reality it was much harder. Lena sort of wished she hadn't fired Cat.

“Well, someone needs to help me.”

“Lena I am not qualified for this. I'm seriously out of my depth here. Could you please give this job to someone else?”

“Fine,” Lena rolled her eyes at Kara's constant whining and badgering of this point. “But you are getting a bad performance review for this.”

“I don't care,” Kara grumbled but she did care.

Lena pulled out her phone and dialed for the replacement. “Yea, there's a new task I need your help with.”

As soon as she hung up, Cat materialized in front of them in a cloud of black smoke. Her skin was burnt and she smelled like roasted chicken. It seemed someone had forgotten their vampire sunscreen. Kara yelped and dropped her mug. Lena caught it with her vampire speed and placed it back on the desk before resuming her previous position.

“Did she just-?!” Kara pointed at Cat in shock and how she had suddenly appeared. You'd think by this point Kara would be used to all this oddity.

“It's cool she knows that you know,” Lena held out a hand to calm down Kara.

“What does my queen need of me?” Cat dropped to her knees with an aching groan as flakes of her skin fell off.

“I need you to be my personal assistant. But like, attend business meetings for me. Figure out what stocks to buy. What deals to make.”

“Like a CEO?”

“Yes, but as my assistant, because I'm still the CEO.”

“Right,” Cat nodded her head, kissed Lena's knuckles on both of her hands. “I will do that as soon as I clean up. I think I have sand in some places where there shouldn't be sand.” And then Kara and Lena watched as Cat slowly, millimeter by millimeter rose up, screaming agony at each move. And then she was hobbling out the door with what sounded like tearing sounds of flesh as did.

“Should we help her?” Kara inquired.

“Nah,” Lena waved a hand. “She's got healing factor. She'll be fine.” In a lower voice she added, “and you don't like her that much anyways, so.” She gave a conspiratorial wink and it made everything nasty Cat had done to Kara suddenly forgiven by the blonde. She smiled despite herself and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Let me know what characters y'all really want to see in this. I've already got Alex and Maggie joining at some point.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Double update this week. Second one going up Thursday.

**XIV. Playing Dress Up**

"Here you go," Lena said, handing Lex a giant white box with a bow on top.

He took it with a degree of suspicion. "What is this?"

"My present. And your disguise."

Lex looked very much like he didn't trust opening it, but with an inhaled breath, he tugged the ribbon free and the box opened up. Inside it was a wig. A custom made wig that looked exactly like Lena's hair.

He let out a breath he'd been holding and touched it. "Hair?" he questioned.

"Ah, not just any hair. I had the witches enchant it. You slip it on, and you'll look and sound just like me. Go on, try it," she urged.

"Last time we used something the witches enchanted we ended up becoming snakes," he pointed out.

"That was only because you slept with that witch's son and then broke his heart," Lena clarified before adding on impatiently. "Go on, I want to see what happens."

He held the beautifully made wig in his hand like it was a limp rat. "I won't explode, will I?"

"No. I don't think so," she said not at all reassuringly.

At last, he decided to vamp up and put it on. The effect was instantaneous. He transformed into Lena. Only his clothes remained his, looking frumpy on her small frame.

"Nice." Lena approved. Not of the clothing, of course. That would have to go.

He looked down at his body. "This feels weird. My whole body is tingling, and hearing your voice coming out of my throat makes me want to choke myself."

"Now isn't the time for your kinks to come out," Lena rolled her eyes.

"It wasn't a kin-"

"We need to focus on the game plan: you acting like me. You must be disinterested in everything no matter the cost, got it?" she said sternly. "I don't want you ruining my reputation by, god forbid, acting like you care and actually solving problems." She shuddered at the thought.

"I got it. No need to clarify." He cleared his throat and then sagged his body, lidding his eyes so that it looked like he was permanently almost drifting off into sleep. "How's this?" he asked, twirling a lock of hair around his finger. "I don't fucking care! Next!" he shooed an imaginary peasant with his hand.

"Less white girl valley inflection," she said. "Now, onto the dressing part. I always dress nicely, so suits _always, _even when affecting sleep," she stressed and then lead him to the wardrobe.

Soon, he would be ready for the throne. 

**XV. Monster Hunter Training**

"Pick up the pace. My grandmother can run faster than you!" Lena shouted into the megaphone as she watched Kara run laps around the track from her high up chair.

"Isn't she dead?" Kara questioned.

"Exactly," Lena said. "So run faster!"

This was week three of Lena training Kara how to be a better monster hunter. And the human was doing surprisingly well. She had lots of stamina even if she had no enthusiasm for this. Kara had rolled her eyes at Lena's training commands each time until Lena started spanking her butt for doing so and Kara stopped real quick.

So far they had covered endurance training, strength training, archery, and tracking.

"No one even uses bows and arrows anymore," Kara had grumbled when Lena told her to shoot the apples off of her head, shoulders, and other various body parts.

"Green Arrow does. Hawkeye...I could go on," Lena drawled.

For how much she complained, Kara was a decent shot. She was, however, not a decent tracker. She couldn't read animal prints if it killed her. And it very nearly did, if Lena hadn't been there to whisk Kara away with her super speed when the blonde stumbled into a den full of bears. It had nearly turned into the tale of Goldilocks but with a bad ending. 

"Have you remained or got in touch with any fellow monster hunters?" Lena asked. Kara narrowed her eyes.

Lena rolled her eyes. "I'm not trying to find them and hurt them. It just concerns me that they don't have great benefits for newly employed members. You don't even know any others, do you?"

Kara thought back. "Hmmm, well there was this one girl who kept being all weird to me. Maybe she was a monster hunter?" She recalled a girl with lots of black eyeliner and all black clothing and a choker.

That peaked Lena's interest. "What was her name?"

"Maggie, I think."

That didn't sound like a monster hunter name. "Why do you think she was one?"

"Because she kept talking a lot about vampires and werewolves and how she practiced these 'dark arts' no one else knew about."

"Uh huh. Was she a goth?"

"What does that have to do with it?"

"That has everything to do with it," Lena countered. "Some types of people like to pretend they're 'monsters' but they're only playing pretend. Still, I guess it's a lead. We better check it out."

**XVI. Gothic Revival**

They found Maggie in a grungy club full of other goth people. Lena wasn't surprised. She was surprised, however, that Maggie remembered Kara.

"Hey there sweet tits, long time no see."

"Yea," Kara blushed and pushed her glasses up.

"Sweet tits?" Lena's voice went up a notch.

"She used to come here, get blasted, and then flash us all her tits. She's got a great pair."

Lena's jaw dropped at this information as she felt shocked and jealous. "You showed your great pair of tits to other people beside me?"

Kara ignored Lena for now. "I'm actually not here to do that today, but to ask you some questions. Last time you mentioned to me you knew monsters and that you had slayed a few. Are you by any chance a monster killer?" Kara asked over the throbbing bass music.

"Yea, I'm like totally a monster slayer," Maggie said, playing with the ends of her faux dyed black hair. "I like, slayed three of them so far."

"Oh wow!" Kara's mouth opened wide as she took out a pad and pen, wanting to learn from someone way better than her. "How did you do it?"

Maggie shrugged like this wasn't a big deal. "With my pussy."

Kara nodded her head and scribbled this down while Lena felt the urge to smack her hand over her face. Clearly, this was a fake. They were wasting their time here.

"Use...pussy..." Kara said to herself before looking up and frowning. "I tried that too but it didn't work. It only attracted the monster more to me."

Lena shot Kara a glare at this. No need to put out their personal business like this.

Maggie nodded her head sagely. "You must be missing a crucial step." She leaned in and whispered something in Kara's ear. Lena watched as steadily Kara's face got redder and redder until it looked like she would explode. "Oh, wow." Was all she could say at the end.

Maggie smirked. "I guarantee if you try that, they'll be slayed properly."

Kara licked her lips and then grabbed Lena by the wrist, dragging her out of there.

* * *

Lena flopped down on the covers, breathless and body aching as her pussy still quaked with aftershocks. "Oh my god, you've killed me," she gasped out not at all dramatically. She couldn't feel her legs and she hadn't cum this hard since the invention of sliced bread.

Kara crawled up Lena's body, straddling her waist. "Hm," she frowned, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "You're still alive. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe I should try again," and she slid back down Lena's body.

"Oh god no! I can't handle another round!" Lena screamed before succumbing to more pleasure.

* * *

"It didn't work," Kara sighed to Maggie when the two met up for drinks at the grungy bar. Lena was at home, recuperating. Kara had last seen Lena moaning happily into the mattress, holding an ice pack up to her thoroughly pleasured vagina.

Maggie shrugged. "Maybe they weren't an actual monster?"

"But they are. I know they are," Kara stressed. She leaned in, making sure no one could over hear them. "She has fangs. I've seen them."

"What, like a vampire?" Maggie asked casually, sipping on her beer. She actually hated beer but drank it to keep up pretense.

"I've never actually seen her drink blood..." Kara rubbed her chin, speaking slowly. "And she isn't afraid of garlic. Nor do crosses scare her, like they should to a normal monster. And she can walk in daylight. All I have is her word that she's a vampire." A sudden realization hit her. "What if she's just joking about being a vampire!" She rose up from her seat so fast it nearly fell over.

"Ugh, posers. I hate those kinds of people the most," Maggie sniffed.

"I can't believe I've been going about this the wrong way. Lena's a very sarcastic person and her humor is dark, so she's probably been yanking my chain this whole time. I have to go see her," Kara chugged down the rest of her drink and then rushed out of the bar.

Maggie watched her go before her eyes landed on a young man at the bar. Her gaze turned predatory. "Why, hello there," she cooed to herself, already to planning on how best to saddle up to that new prize.


	7. Chapter 7

**XVII. Are you Serious**

"You seem...happier?" Lena noticed about two days later as she watched Kara folding some laundry. Lena would go up and help but she was really comfortable lying on this couch, posing like some model in her new burgundy suit. Besides, if she moved now she would crease it and she wasn't ready for that just yet.

"Do I?" Kara hummed as she sang a soft little tune under her breath. She had a smile on her face.

"Yea, you do. Why?"

"It's because you're not actually a vampire."

Lena froze, then sat up at this, creasing her suit anyways. She rubbed a finger in one ear but nope, it was clean. "You know, I'd thought I'd be 500 years old before my hearing stared to decline but I guess not because it just sounded to me like you said I'm not a vampire."

"Yes, that's what I said," Kara affirmed, too focused on the laundry to see Lena's shocked expression. "Really, I know you like to prank me and this has been a really elaborate prank. But you're not one and you can stop pretending and now I can stop feeling guilty for having sex with a monster I'm supposed to slay."

Lena was almost lost on how to approach this ignorance. "Kara, I don't know how to break it to you, but I'm an actual vampire. Like, with the blood sucking and the evil laughing."

"Except you don't do any of that."

Lena let out a huff of air and laid back down on the couch, looking up at the ceiling. Fine, if Kara wanted to be like that, then Lena wasn't going to correct her. It wasn't worth the effort in arguing about this.

She was, however, going to start acting like a stereotypical vampire just to get the message across that she was one. Honestly, why did one have to be a stereotype to be representative of vampire culture? Not all of them liked to cackle evilly, or drink blood exclusively. It was a step back in progress for their kind to have to resort to those things.

**XVIII. Kara's Wild Streak**

The training sessions continued, with Kara steadily improving at them. Lena was proud of her pupil. She was going to become a fine monster hunter one day as long as she finally realized Lena was a vampire. Their sex life did improve, however, vastly. Kara was no longer shy about it, or in denial about it and Lena found herself jumped every time she came into the apartment from work.

Kara even began to send salacious emails to Lena during their job hours when they should be doing other things. Lena found herself having to fan herself with one hand as she scrolled through messages with the other, her usually pale skin taking on a pink hue.

And then she found herself inviting Kara up.

"I've been having trouble getting an opinion piece," Kara had pouted, standing in front of Lena's desk in her private office. Her hands went down to her shirt buttons as she ripped open her shirt, revealing her breasts without the bra. "Can you tell me what you think of these?"

"Gerk-!" Had been Lena's opinion as Kara slid onto the desk top, knocking Lena's computer over and pushing her breasts into the vampire queen's face.

Or another time when Kara had insisted Lena needed to see the exclusive scoop she had.

Lena's eyes had gone round when she saw it. "That's not a scoop, that's a strap on-"

And Kara had yanked Lena into the closet before she could say anymore.

Honestly, Lena couldn't even remember when was the last time she had done any actual work involving her company, Luthor Corp. Good thing Cat was there to take care of things.

"I've made sure to secure a deal for coverage of that huge Salinder case," Cat reported, business like. "I also dry cleaned your suits for you."

"Thank you." Because Kara had squirted all over them so hard when Lena had done that thing where she took Kara up against the wall using four fingers and talking dirty in her ear. And Lena was worried her suits would never get clean again. But sending them to the witches really paid off. They got every last stain out. Even the dijon mustard from that sandwich Lena had tried to eat only to realize she couldn't eat. She forgot how she wasn't a human. Living among them one could almost pretend.

Lena only wondered what else Kara would want them to do during work. Lena was very excited at the thought.

Hm. Maybe Lena would hold off on making Kara think she was a vampire again for a little bit of time. Just for a little bit. Like maybe after they had closet sex this time in Lena's work closet. Or maybe the next time they had sex. Or after that. Or...you know maybe at the end of the month. Really. No rush. After all, Lena could see nothing bad from having constant and wild sex every day.

Nothing bad at all.

**XIX. Feelings**

"Lena?" Kara called out and Lena shivered in fear as she quivered behind her desk. She could hear Kara approaching outside the door to her office and she needed a hasty retreat. Quickly she pushed open one of her windows and clung to the very thin glass of the window panel above her office as Kara went inside, looking for Lena in the CEO office only to not find her there.

Kara pouted and left, calling Lena's name like Lena was a dog and would come running at the sound of it.

Once it was safe, Lena carefully made her way back in. She may be a vampire but falling several stories would not be a fun mess for her body to heal.

"My queen," Cat said. "Why do you hide from Kara? Is she not your girlfriend?" Because Lena had been doing this for a week now and it really seemed to hurt Kara's feelings when she did it. Plus, she'd been leaving Lena little lunches and cute post it note messages about wishing Lena has a great day at work. It was all a bit overwhelming.

"Maybe. We've never actually talked about it," Lena said with a frown. "And I'm hiding from her because all she wants is loving sex now. At first, it was rough, kinky, fuck me up daddy sex- but now she wants it to be loving. She wants me to cuddle her afterwards? And go to the kitchen to make her a sandwich? And I'm tired. I thought with my vampire stamina I wouldn't mind, but even I can't seem to keep up anymore. Her stamina is better than mine for some reason."

"Well, why don't you talk about it with her?" Cat suggested.

"Like two grown adults?" Lena scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous. No, instead I'm going to show to her I'm a vampire."

"Doesn't she already know you're one?" Cat asked.

"Well, yes but no. She knew I was one and now she has seemed to un-know it." Lena got up from her seat. "So I am going to have to prove to her I'm a vampire."

"Or you could, you know, talk to her-"

"Shh, I don't pay you to think, but to follow my orders," Lena shushed her personal assistant.

"Actually, you haven't paid me at all-"

"I'm doing it with exposure. You'll thank me for it later," Lena said and walked out of the office to start making her plans.

Cat rolled her eyes at her. "Yes, exposure to your stupidity," she mumbled and then wrote down this incident in her notepad. She was going to write an autobiography later about her life and she was dedicating a whole chapter to the office romance between Lena and Kara.

* * *

The whole apartment was dark and a mess. Empty bottles of booze on the floor, packets of cigarettes on the table, some half smoked and some still feebly lit, letting out plumes of sad smoke. "Lena?" Kara tentatively called out as she stepped over what was a cat on their floor. Since when did she have a cat? "Lena?" she called out more loudly as she opened the door to their bedroom and found it an utter mess too. The curtains were drawn and Lena was sleeping on the bed, the covers no longer blue but black.

"Lena, what the hell, it's six in the afternoon!" Kara cried out, striding over to the window and throwing the shades open. Instantly Lena was up from the bed, as the weak sunlight filtered in, hiding and hissing in a corner.

"What are you doing?" Kara looked so confused.

"Close the curtains!" Lena ordered and Kara did, shutting them.

"Mind telling me what's going on here, Lena?" Kara asked, hands on hips.

"I'm not Lena. My name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."

Kara rolled her eyes. "Lena, I am not doing this with you right now. What is going on?"

"Of course you don't get me. No one does. Such is the life and hardship of a creature of night like me." She started monologuing, dramatic and yet sad piano music began playing in the background.

"Where is that coming from?" Kara asked, looking around.

"Misunderstood, always to be a loner. Always to be in pain, pondering the morality of living as a vampire who seeks the sustenance of others to survive," Lena continued, huddled into a little ball in the corner.

Kara spotted the radio Lena had set up for this and turned it off with a click. Lena frowned. "Do you mind? I'm trying to prove a point here."

"And what point is that, Lena?" Kara said tiredly, folding her arms across her chest.

"That I am a vampire," she said with gravity. "Because you don't seem to think I am one. And it hurts that you don't see that part of me when it makes up who I am."

"I didn't mean it like that. I thought things would easier if I could forget you were one. Easier for the both of us," Kara confessed easily. "I know you're a vampire. Your lack of pulse is very telling and I was the one who found out about it and you confirmed it, in many instances. You don't need to do this."

"Then why...then why the change in our relationship? You used to pretend you didn't want me and-" Lena stood to her feet, wiping at the raccoon eye shadow under her eyes.

Kara sighed, looking drained by this conversation. "Because I got tired of denying myself. And maybe, for a hopeful second, I fooled myself into thinking you being a vampire was a trick. Just some prank on me. But obviously, it's not. Still, we were so happy for a while that I didn't want it to end so I went on faking it. And clearly it wasn't good because now you're acting out like a teen-"

"Me acting out like a teen?" Lena gasped, placing a hand to her chest. "I haven't been one in 600 years!"

"-and you were avoiding me-" here Kara paused, as if she'd been expecting Lena to comment on this.

"I'm not going to refute that. I was avoiding you, and if you'd been a better monster hunter you would have found me," Lena said.

Kara scowled but continued. "Anyways, I don't want you to feel like this relationship has progressed too fast. I don't even know what we are. Lovers? Friends? Girlfriends?"

"I don't like to put a label on things," Lena said. "But if I did, I'd say we're married. I mean, we live together, work together, fight together, etc."

Kara's jaw dropped. "Is this you proposing to me?"

Suddenly Lena felt very flustered. "Uh, it is if you want it to be?" Her voice went up high in pitch. Very flustered and very confused.

Kara put her hands up to her mouth. To cover the shock there. "Seriously?"

"Well, I don't have a ring or anything for us yet, but I've got a ring pop in my pocket if you want it?"

Kara held out her hand and Lena slid the ring pop on the finger.

Hadn't they been having this conversation to slow things down in their relationship?!

"This doesn't mean I've said yes," Kara said. "I need to think on it. Also, I think you could have proposed way more romantically."

"I wasn't planning on proposing at all today!" Lena threw up her hands into the air. "Weren't we having this conversation to take things down a notch?"

"I don't know, was it? You never really got to that point because you got distracted proposing to me. This is a good flavored ring pop by the way. You have good taste." She gave a lick.

Lena sighed out. "Look, I was just nervous about our relationship because I thought you didn't want to be with me seriously given our opposing roles. So when you started making cute lunches for me- despite the fact I couldn't eat them, but thanks for it- and sending me cute texts and then having loving sex with me, I got very confused."

"I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just thought you felt the same since you didn't say anything," Kara frowned. "You should have told me this earlier."

"I didn't want to upset you-I was just so happy you finally allowed yourself to openly like me and I didn't want to take that joy away or to have our relationship back slide."

"Lena, I respect you as a person, and I care how you feel in our relationship," Kara said, taking her hands in hers. "Just tell me things next time."

"Alright, I will," Lena smiled, because they had resolved something at last. "But you do know I am a vampire right? Like a legit one." She had to double check. Just to be sure.

Kara sighed out heavily. "Yea, I know. But I think the age old code of a monster hunter never falling for a monster is stupid. We live in a modern era where all types of love are accepted. Vampire human love is just one of them."

"Cool." They smiled at each other softly before Lena broke the moment. "So, wanna go have sex to celebrate us not having a lot of sex later? Cuz you know, once we tie the knot, married couples don't have sex." Kara arched a brow. "And you know, to also celebrate progress of a monster hunter not being biased against a monster?"

"Of course," Kara said and they went to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

**XX. A Truth Comes out**

Lena tapped her foot impatiently against the marble floor of their apartment as she looked out the darkened window. Kara was supposed to be home by now. The meatloaf was going to get cold! The blonde reporter said she would only be out for a little bit to get the milk but that had been half an hour ago. What was she doing? Actually milking the cow?

With a huff, Lena went to the fridge and looked inside. They didn't even need extra milk! They had about three bottles of it, because each time Kara rushed out of the apartment in a hurry, it was always to get milk and it always took a long time.

Something was up.

Was.....was Kara cheating on her?

Lena didn't think Kara would but now that the thought was in her head, it was an insecurity that wouldn't go away.

Lena took out her phone and angrily texted her. She didn't get a text back. This wouldn't do. So she grabbed her suit jacket and shrugged it on. It was time to do some old fashioned stalking. Sticking her nose up in the air, she discerned Kara's scent from the public smells of the city.

Kara's scent was very distinct. It didn't smell like any other human Lena had come across so there was no mistaking it. She tailed it about ten blocks down and then lost track of it. It suddenly seemed to disappear into thin air.

Frowning, she scoured the area, passing by some police officers that were taking in a handcuffed criminal who looked mighty beat up.

And that's when Lena caught a scent of Kara's scent again. Strange. Why would she scent her here? Sniffing intently like a blood hound on the hunt, Lena climbed up a pipe and made way onto a roof where she saw the hard outline of a caped hero.

Lena had seen their kind before but always from far away. Vampires and heroes didn't mix.

Kara's scent was coming from this woman whose cape was blowing in the wind.

It took a second for Lena to connect the dots only because she really didn't follow the news on Supergirl, but there was no mistaking the scent, or the symbol, or the profile.

“Nice. So not only are you a monster hunter, but you're also a hero.”

Kara jumped as Lena snuck up behind her on the roof top. “Jesus!” she huffed out, placing a hand on her heart. “You're so quiet.”

“Vampire,” she pointed out. “It's kind of my thing.”

“And I am totally not a monster hunter,” Kara added on, trying to dissuade Lena. It was cute really, that she thought she had a chance. “I'm Supergirl.”

“I'm dead not dumb. You smell the same as Kara.”

Kara flushed, panicking. “Uh, you could be mixing up scents. Right, you could!” Kara snapped to it, expanding on her lies. Buying her own story. “She's my friend.”

“Friend?” Lena arched up a brow. “Alright then, why don't you call her and ask her to come here. That way you'll prove it to me you're actually not her.”

“Well....well I can't do that.”

“Why not?”

“She's really busy with work. And so am I for that matter.” She cocked her head to the side. “Do I hear a baby in distress?” She turned her back on Lena.

Lena narrowed her eyes. Did Kara seriously make up the baby bit? “I don't hear anything,” she said because she had the same sharp hearing, but Kara wasn't listening to her.

“It was nice to meet you and all....uh...”

“Lena. You know my name,” Lena said flatly.

“Have a good day!” Kara squeaked out and with a squish of her cape, Kara took off to the skies, trying to flee her issues.

“You know I can turn into a bat and just follow you, right?” Lena called out but the hero did not turn back. Lena sighed, shaking her head in exasperation. “Honestly, how is a monster hunter scared of monsters?”

**XXI. Don't Rain on my Charade**

Lena hurried back to the apartment to find Kara there, smiling shakily. “I've got the milk.” She held up the milk. “Where have you been? The meatloaf's going cold.” She pointed to the meal she started to eat.

Lena cocked a hand on her hip. “Do not give me that. Kara, I know you're Supergirl. Why would you hide that from me?”

“What? What are you talking about,” Kara scoffed. “You sound crazy, Lena.” She shoved a forkful into her mouth.

“Why are you in denial over this? We have nothing to hide from each other.”

“Exactly, so I'm totally not hiding the fact I am a superhero from you.”

Okay. Lena could see Kara was going to be supremely stubborn about this. “Kara, come with me. I need to tell you something.”

Kara's natural curiosity won over her risk assessment so she followed Lena out to a balcony that they now had.

“Did you install this today?” Kara asked as they stepped out onto it, because it sure hadn't been here this morning. Lena ignored her, standing by the balcony and peering out over the city. The effect was lessened by the fact this was the fifth floor and they were facing a brick wall.

Kara joined her side, watching Lena's face in the pale light.

Lena sighed heavily. “You're sure you're not Supergirl.”

“I swear it.” Kara said gravely as Lena turned her eyes to the blonde hero next to her. Tension hung thick in the air. 

And then, Lena pushed Kara off the balcony. “Fly or die, Kara.”

Kara gave out a little gasp as she fell. Lena looked down to see Kara was glaring angrily at her, arms crossed over her chest as she floated in mid air. “Ha! I knew it!” Lena cried out triumphantly, not at all repentant for what she had done though she knew Kara would be angry.

“This isn't funny, Lena,” Kara scolded as she safely floated up and landed on the balcony. “What if I was human and I had fallen?”

“I would have used my speed to jump down there and get you. No issue. But I knew you weren't human. I knew it! Now admit to it!” Lena goaded.

“Okay. Fine!” Kara threw her hands up, annoyed at having been discovered so easily. “I'm technically the superhero known as Supergirl and I go around beating up bad guys using the super powers I got because I'm an alien.”

Lena did not look shocked by this.

“It doesn't bother you?” Kara asked more softly; as this was not the reaction she expected. She expected being hated for this. She knew how some people felt about illegal aliens, especially those taking jobs from other superhero crime fighters like Superman.

“I assure you,” Lena started, “that as the reigning queen of vampires,” she made a sour face as she said this, “who currently has a castle in the underworld where all manners of werewolves, fairies and vile creatures out of your worst nightmares reside, that finding out you're an alien turned superhero turned monster hunter, isn't really a shock.” She paused, then added. “You'll have to try harder than that.”

Kara let out a sigh of relief she hadn't known she was holding. Honestly, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of her chest to reveal this. To have it accepted. “Thank you. Not for the balcony part because it was a dick move, but for the other stuff.”

“Kara, you should know by now that I accept you for who you are, no matter what. Unless you drink straight out of a cartoon. Only sick, twisted, people do that,” Lena made a disgusted face at this, full of anger.

Kara subtly gulped and promised herself she would stop doing that before Lena found out.

“But honestly, what's more concerning to me is your disguise against the public.”

“What's wrong with it?” Kara asked, tipping her head to the side.

“You're kidding me. No one guessed your 'disguise'?” Lena knew humans were dumb, but truly, how dumb could they get? “Frankly, the clown disguise was better than this. This isn't even a disguise, it's just reading glasses! That's it, we're learning disguises 101 after this. I am teaching you how to actually fool people.”

“Fine,” Kara grumbled. “But after I finish dinner. I'm starved. Beating up all those bad guys makes me work up an appetite.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The fly or die part was inspired by a post on tumblr. It was such a Lena thing of this AU to do I had to include it.


	9. Chapter 9

**XXII. Lena Tries to Relate to Kara**

“Lena, you cannot help me fight supervillains!” Kara hissed out in annoyance at Lena.

“Why not? I've got powers too.”

“Because, it's my job and not yours. I don't want a civilian getting hurt!”

“Ah, it's bring your spouse to work day, isn't it,” Reign, the supervillain Kara had been previously facing off against, said knowingly and with a hint of understanding.

“She's not my wife!” both Kara and Lena cried out.

“Suuuuuuuure,” Reign said, not at all convinced, watching in amusement as the bickering continued.

“Look, what about if I just help a little. Like get one or two kicks in?” Lena asked.

“No!” was the sharp answer.

“Not even this teensy little bit?” Lena asked, bringing her pointer and thumb finger together in order to show how little. There was only a little bit of space between.

“No!”

Lena narrowed the gap. “How about now-”

“No! And no!”

“What if I just cheer you on then? From the sidelines?” Lena suggested, dropping her hands.

“Lena, no! How many times do I have to say no!” Kara stomped her foot in annoyance, causing a mini earthquake.

“Ugh! You're so annoying! Fine, go fight the villain on your own. But when you come back home crying because your ass got handed to you, don't expect me to care!”

“Fine. I won't!”

“Good! And don't expect any dinner either!”

“I won't. Your cooking sucks anyways!”

Lena sucked in a sharp gasp. “What did you just say about my cooking?”

Kara stuttered here, now realizing she had crossed a line. “Um, that it sucks?”

Reign figured now would be a good time to leave before things got too crazy in the domestic dispute. She sneakily made her way out, not that either of them noticed, too deep in their argument.

**XXIII. Lena Tries to Relate to Kara Even Harder**

“Lena, what is this?” Kara asked mid bite as Lena opened the door to their bedroom, revealing her wearing a superhero costume.

“Call me Night Stalker,” Lena said, swirling her black cape. She had on a tight cat suit and an eye mask, all in black. “Cause I come out at night to stalk the filthy criminals of this city.”

“Lena, no. You are not going to go around the city, masquerading as a superhero,” Kara said stubbornly and resolutely.

“Than as your sidekick.”

“Not even as my sidekick.”

Lena cocked a brow. “Oh, I see how this is. You don't want me to be your hero, do you,” she purred, stalking up to Kara with a sway to her hips. “But your villain.”

Kara slapped a hand to her forehead. “Lena, I could not be more no about this idea if I tried-”

“And when you caught me, you could punish me any way you wanted,” Lean suggested salaciously.

“Lena...” Kara growled out in warning. Lena flounced around, giggling suggestively, twirling her cape around her finger even tighter.

“Come stop me, Supergirl, before I do something real naughty,” she husked in Kara's ear before rushing away.

“Damn it Lena!” Kara cried out, annoyed, before ripping her shirt off, revealing the Supergirl insignia underneath.

Supergirl never did manage to find Lena that evening because the vampire had watched Supergirl fly out the window from her spot on the roof before she sneaked back into the apartment and watched some Netflix shows. It was a total villain move. What was more evil than wasting someone's precious time?

She was going to be good at this super villain business, she just knew.

**XXIV. Lena Becomes the Best Supervillain she Can Be**

“I need to run stories on this new threat in the city,” Lena told Cat urgently, who took out her notepad and began to write diligently. Or at least she made it appear that way. She was really doodling stick figure versions of herself killing her annoying boss. “She's dangerous and we need the public to know. And we also need to document every fight she has upcoming with Supergirl.”

“What did this new villain do?” Cat asked, in total boredom.

“She switched all the gallons of milk with white out. She spray painted a bunch of walls with Supergirl sucks, and she even tossed a whole dumpster onto the middle of an empty road,” Lena listed proudly.

“Hmmm. Doesn't sound dangerous enough for us to run a story about it. Really just seems like immature pranks more than anything. The cops can handle this new villain,” Cat said in a detached voice.

“What!” Lena shrilled out, offended. “She's totally dangerous!”

“I don't see it. This won't draw any attention and neither will it draw Supergirl's attention.”

Lena began to grumble angrily. She packed up her purse and left with angry clicks of her heels as Cat let out a sigh at not having to run this vapid story. Lena may be her vampire queen but she was a horrid one.

Still, perfect material for Cat's upcoming book. She would rake in millions when it would get published.

* * *

“Whoops, looks like you caught me,” Lena said, too coyly as she stepped out of the bank, bags of money in her hands. Kara was in front of her, arms crossed over her chest, looking not amused at all.

“Lena...” she started.

“What will I ever do to escape your wrath?” Lena asked, dropping the money and wrapping her arms around Kara's neck. “Maybe, if I sleep with you, will you let me go?” she batted her eyes.

Despite her best efforts, Kara was easily caving. “This is not how superheroes and supervillains work,” Kara stated, in a last ditch attempt.

“Well, then maybe you need to show me how they work? While in bed, of course,” Lena purred and leaned in to kiss Kara.

This began to become a pattern. Lena would commit a crime, get Kara's attentions, and then seduce her. They'd either fuck in their shared bed, on a car, on top of the man Lena had kidnapped for the role, or by the dumpsters. Lena was intent on defeating the hero this way. In proving she was the only villain that could best Supergirl.

She'd even gotten Supergirl to handcuff her own self during a kink play in the park sometime in the middle of the night.

But then, Supergirl suddenly didn't have time any more, to fly to Lena's every single crime. And Lena was growing frustrated. When she asked her tired girlfriend about this, Kara simply mumbled that Reign was keeping her busy with some dastardly plan to destroy the city.

That wouldn't do. That would not do at all!

Sneering evilly to herself and rubbing her hands together in anticipation, she went off to her secret lair to plot.`

* * *

“Lena, can you come out from under the bed?” Kara groaned out, dressed in pjs and ready for bed. She was tired and aching from her hero job today in holding back Reign and not in the mood for Lena's shenanigans.

“I'm having a moment! In my secret lair!” Lena called out from under the bed where weird flashes of light were happening. Kara did not want to know what they were.

“Under the bed cannot be a secret lair. If you need one, at least use the closet, because I need to sleep.”

“Fine!” Lena huffed and slid out from under the bed. Glaring at Kara, she slid into the closet instead and closed the door. There, the muffled evil cackling was quieter and the flashes of light were less bright. Kara rolled her eyes and went to sleep, barely feeling when Lena slipped into bed next to her later on. Tomorrow, she would enact her plan.

Smiling, she snuggled into Kara's shoulder.

* * *

“You!” Lena growled out, pointing a finger at Reign. “You've been taking up all of Supergirl's attentions from me, the true villain! So I'm going to put an end to this, right now!”

Reign rolled her eyes. She didn't know how this scraggly wanna be villain had found her, but she was going to put an end to them, and quick. “You clearly don't know how dangerous I am, or else you wouldn't be threatening me like this.” She set down the items she had been using in her secret lair to build a secret weapon of mass destruction.

“Oh, you have no idea how dangerous _I _am,” Lena said, her eyes glowing a menacing red color. She gave a crooked smile and then rushed at the opposing villain.

* * *

Lena threw an unmasked Reign at Supergirl's feet who had not been expecting this. “Holy shit. Is that-?”

“Your villain that you've been trying to catch since forever which is now caught and defeated? Why yes,” Lena answered smoothly. “You're welcome.” She had her hands on her hips, looking stern and proud of this.

“You unmasked her too?” Supergirl cried out, horrified. “You aren't supposed to do that!”

Lena frowned, confused. “Why not?”

“It's against the rules of conduct of superheroes and villains!”

“Well,” Lena blinked. “That's dumb. How else are you to catch them and prevent them from doing crime if you don't know what they are?”

“You wouldn't understand because you aren't a unionized villain,” Reign added, spitting out some blood. There was more dribbling down from her nose.

“Oh my god,” Lena cried out in exasperation, throwing up her hands. “If it helps, I'll take off my mask too.”

“No!” they both said but it was too late. Lena took it off and Reign gasped when she saw her face.

“What, you know me? Did we sleep together and I don't remember?” Lena asked. Kara looked extremely jealous at this.

“No, just....you're so beautiful. Why waste it on just being evil when you can be a model. An evil model!” Reign suggested.

“I would. But unfortunately I don't show up on camera. You know how annoying that is when it's the era of the selfie and they've got all these pretty filters?” Lena lamented. “I have to resort to hiring starving artists to paint oil portraits of me. And then my girlfriend, won't let me hang them up around the house.”

“Because they're huge and ridiculous!” Supergirl retorted before realizing what she'd said. “I mean, I'm sure that's what your very _lovely _girlfriend thinks.”

“Then come work for me. Be my evil sidekick,” Reign, who was actually a woman named Samantha, said.

“Whoa, whoa. Hold on there just a second,” Supergirl interjected very quickly. “I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to be your side kick-”

Lena spoke over Supergirl. “Okay, deal. But I get fifty percent of the cut.”

“Deal.” Reign stuck out a hand and Lena shook it. Supergirl's jaw dropped. “Huh? Is this for real?”

Lena shrugged. “You never wanted me on your team, so.”

“Ah, that's a classic origin story. Turned away by a hero. Scorned by them and thus falling into evil,” Reign said.

“But-but Le-Night Stalker!” Supergirl whined.

“See you later!” And Lena flounced away with Reign, hand in hand like they were best friends.

**XXVI. Fight and Make up**

“Can we not fight anymore?” Kara asked. “I really don't like fighting with you.”

“I wasn't aware we were fighting,” Lena said from where she was sitting on their apartment couch, mindlessly watching some cooking show.

“Maybe we're not- besides the actual physical fights- but it feels that way to me,” Kara pouted, looking upset.

Lena felt bad. That was something she rarely felt. And so she felt even worse that she felt bad. “I'm sorry,” she sat up from how she had been leaning back in her seat. “I didn't mean to make you feel this way. I guess I got a bit carried away with the whole hero villain thing, but I only really wanted to support you and your hero job because I know it means a lot to you.”

“Well, you could always be the hero called 'Supportive Girlfriend who Stays at Home and Let's Supergirl do her job',” Kara suggested hopefully.

“That's a mouthful.”

“Just like you.”

“That statement would be immensely sexual if I was a guy but I'm still turned on by it.”

“It was meant to be immensely sexual.”

“I love it when our fights end in sex.” Lena grinned.

“Put on the outfit. Maybe Supergirl needs to thoroughly check the strengths and weaknesses of Supportive Girlfriend in the special examination implement known as the Bed with her high tech gadget called Tongue.”

“You don't have to tell me twice,” Lena grinned and rushed off.

* * *

Of course, after they had reached an agreement, Lena realized she had forgotten something important. Her lapse in memory stared back at her in the form of front page news, an image of her and Supergirl in just one of the very suggestive activities they had taken part in all over the city. “Ohhhhh,” Lena said weakly, because now she recalled how she had hired a man to follow her around and take pictures of her fights in order to get more exposure for herself while she had been a villain. He must have taken pictures of more than just her fights.

“Kara is going to kill me,” she moaned out weakly. Lena jumped when she heard a tapping on the glass and turned around to see Supergirl hovering outside her window. Arms crossed over her chest. Face angry.

Supergirl may be as fast as a speeding bullet but a scared vampire who was about to get her pale ass handed to her, was faster than anything else under the sun.

**Omake 1**

“If you could be a superhero, with powers, who would you be, or what powers would you have?” Kara asked as they rested on their bed, naked under the covers.

“I technically already have powers. I guess teleportation, speed, and strength don't count if your supernatural, so I would want those to count. Oh, and I would be a villain.” The role had grown on her. Also, being a hero was like policing people and making sure they did the right thing and that was kind of like being a queen. Which she hated. So nope. Villains had more fun.

“But why a villain?” Kara asked. Because Lena hadn't actually been good at it. She had been bad. Terrible. Hm, maybe that made sense since she technically was a villain and they weren't good at anything. 

Lena shrugged. “They get better theme music.”


	10. Chapter 10

**XXVI. Lena's Family**

“So, what's your family like?”

Lena gave Kara an odd look. “Do you really want to know?” They had been watching TV on the couch when Kara asked this, looking a bit nervous, like she wasn't sure if it was okay to ask but needing to.

“Yes. I want to know more about you. And not like your weaknesses and how to kill you. I already know all that. I don't know....all the more lively parts of you.” Kara frowned, not sure she had elaborated it like she wanted to. But Lena got what she meant.

“You've met my brother-he runs a night club franchise. My father ran off to Russia to learn the trade of hole fishing, and my mother sold all our souls for immortality because she had this grand idea that she could remodel us into the Kardashian clan. But hotter, stronger, and more immortal.”

Kara was at a loss for words. “Uh, that's-wow your mother is-”

“A bitch?”

“I was going to say ambitious. And detailed with her plans.”

“When she found out vampires couldn't appear on film, she dropped her deal of having me shoot a porno into fame and decided instead she would conquer the underworld and instate herself as queen, but she got bored and now she plopped me into her mess.”

“A...A porno?” Kara squeaked out and Lena slapped her arm in reprimand. The good thing with Kara was that she was super strong and Lena didn't have to hold her strength back now.

“Why did you focus on that part?”

“Uh....so you're queen?” Kara amended, smiling wanly and all teeth at Lena.

“Or that part. I really hate having that mentioned,” Lena grumbled.

“So, what was it you did before you became a you know what?” Kara asked delicately.

Lena tipped her head back to think. “The years all sort of blend together but I did a lot of things. At first, when I was human, I was a noble lady. Which was boring as fuck. All I did each day was look pretty and sit in stiff dresses talking to other woman about old men becoming our husbands.”

Kara could imagine that wouldn't sit well with Lena who just in general did not care and did her own thing. “Then some guy who needed refuge for the night came to us. He was a doctor or so he said, and hot looking, so my mother let him in. They got to talking and he said he had a cure for mortality and my mother was like bet. Sign us all up. And so he bit our necks at night and it was really awkward cause we didn't really know him and he was munching our necks. But then it was over and we got really tired and went to bed and woke up as vampires.”

Kara blinked. “Really? That simple? So many stories portray it as being painful.”

“It really was that simple. Even winking is harder sometimes when you're trying to come off sexy and not like you've got dust in your eye. Which was why maybe so many stories make it seem awful to dissuade people from doing it or else everyone would be doing it like it was going out of style. But anyways, he did that, left, and then we moved out of Italy and began our new life, now able to do whatever we wanted. What we didn't know was that we had to give up something in exchange for our immortality. Lex lost his hair. Mother lost her ability to censor her words, and father lost his fangs, which if you really think about it, is fucked up if he's a vampire and that's the way we feed. But we got him a silly straw so it's all good now.”

Kara couldn't imagine taking a vampire seriously if they needed to use a silly straw to stick in someone's neck and drink. “And what did you lose, if you don't mind me asking,” Kara inquired.

Lena shook her head, showing she didn't mind. If had been a while since they'd been able to have a serious conversation and she relished it. “I'll tell you, but maybe not now.”

“Alright.” Kara would patiently wait. But it didn't mean she wouldn't try to guess in the meantime.

“Lex was into wig making for a while, trying to cope with his non existent hairline. Mother ran a beauty shop full of fake tinctures that promoted immortality and shit, and father sailed around the world. I traveled with him for a bit before I found a place for me.”

Kara imagined it was in an Italian country side, running a grape farm.

“I lived in this guy's house and only showed up to him, making him think he was going crazy and seeing ghosts. Ah, it was so funny, seeing him freak out when I popped in and out and then disappeared with my abilities. I'd whisper his name at night, or knock from inside the wall when he would sleep,” Lena recounted with a laugh.

Her favorite thing to do had been to stand in back of him when he was in the bathroom. The mirror over the sink would never show her reflection, so when he had been brushing his teeth or shaving, he wouldn't see her and then when he turned around, boom! There she was and he'd scream. One time his razor had slipped- right into his throat- and he'd nearly been literally scared to death.

“Omg you were always such a dick,” Kara said, surprised but not surprised to hear this.

“But the expressions on this face were priceless and it was even funnier when he tried different ways to get rid of me. And then when he died I started doing the same to his son who lived in the house. They got smart and moved out but then new families moved in and I started bothering them too.”

“Please tell me you didn't spend all 240 years doing this.”

“Nah, only like a hundred. Then I got bored and went back to find my family only to see they had suddenly become involved in the rest of vampire society and now my mother was queen. I don't know how she did it and I won't ask because it's probably not a nice bed time story. But, when she was queen, I sort of came and went during her reign, discovering new things about this world. I can say, it's been a real treat to see the progress humans have made.” Lena smiled and put an arm around Kara's shoulders. “But, my favorite thing to discover on this planet has been you.”

“You are a literal corn ball,” Kara smiled and allowed Lena to press a kiss to her lips.

**XXVII. Training Continues**

Now that Kara had come out about being a superhero, it was easier training her.

“So you were holding out on me. Pretty impressive to pretend to be weaker or confused on all my training exercises so I wouldn't suspect you were alien or a hero.”

“Right,” Kara awkwardly agreed and gave a stiff laugh because some of those challenges had actually been tough for her. She rubbed the back of her neck and took a swig of her energy drink. She was in her athletic wear and Lena was standing under an umbrella because today while she had her sunscreen on, the glare of the sun was bothering her.

“You don't have to be out here if the sun bothers you so much,” Kara said, because while the sun drained Lena, it powered her and she was glowing with it's power.

“And miss the way sweat runs down your abs?” Lena scoffed. “No. I wouldn't miss that. Besides I don't overheat so it's okay. And I need to train you; if I don't, then who will? I'm honestly surprised you managed to be a superhero without training.”

“Well, you know, most people are weak so I just fly in on time and punch them. It didn't exactly take training,” Kara admitted.

“How did you even become a hero?”

“Well, I um, took a fashion design class in college and made my costume that way and just decided to listen in to police reports or use my super hearing on patrols of the city and help whoever I could.” Kara shrugged. “I figured out I had powers normal humans didn't, so I was essentially a super hero already and just needed the clothes for it.”

“That's a lame origin story.”

Kara rolled her eyes.

“Speaking about your costume, you need to improve it.”

“Improve it? What's wrong with it?”

“Well, for one, you've got a skirt.”

“What's wrong with the skirt?”

Lena rolled her eyes like this should be obvious. “A breeze could blow it up and then all the villains will laugh at you when they see your underwear.”

“I have nice underwear.”

Lena gave her a look.

“What?”

Lena sighed. “Kara, you're cute. But you wear ducky print underwear- why do you think I always rip it off of you so quickly?”

“Because you're horny?” Kara questioned.

“Yes, but also no. They're not hero quality. Or bed sexy quality. No villain will take that seriously.”

“You want me to change my underwear then?” Kara pouted.

“And why a giant S?”

“For Supergirl. I thought that was obvious.”

“Yes, but it clashes horribly with the red and blue color schematic.”

“What's wrong with the colors?” Kara asked, even more confused now.

Lena sighed out. “Just let me take care of designing a costume for you.”

**XXVIII. Re-design**

“Okay, I have new costume designs for you,” Lena clapped her hands together as she announced this.

Kara looked up from her notes and frowned. Lena had burst into the middle of her writer's staff meeting. Everyone was looking their CEO with annoyance.

“Costume?” one of the men questioned loudly. “Halloween is three months away.”

Lena grabbed Kara by her arm and dragged her away before more could be discussed. “Lena, could this not wait?” Kara asked with a huff of annoyance.

“Nope,” Lena said with childishly excitement. And then using her super speed, she pulled the two of them up into her office. Cat was there, hanging up some Supergirl outfits for Kara to try.

Kara tugged to free herself from Lena's hold, upset. “Lena, did you tell Cat about my secret identity? Did you tell her I'm Supergirl?” Kara fumed, crossing her arms over her chest. “I thought I could trust you with me secret. I thought you wouldn't tell anyone!”

“Er, no, but _you_ just did,” Lena awkwardly scratched behind her ear as Cat gaped at hearing this.

“Kara's Supergirl? How is that possible?! She's a total dork!”

“Hey!” Kara cried out indignation. “I'll have you know I have abs. Abs for days.”

“I can confirm,” Lena nodded her head dreamily.

“All of a sudden all these costumes make more sense,” Cat mussed. “I thought Lena had a Supergirl fetish and was making you dress up in them. But you being Supergirl actually makes even less sense.”

“Do you need to see me bend steel so you'll believe me?!” Kara nearly screamed out, annoyed. Her secret identity coming out was an issue. But it coming out and no one wanting to believe her? Even worse!

“Babe, chill,” Lena put a hand on Kara's flexed muscle, taking this chance to feel it up. “Cat, you're dismissed. And oh, don't tell anyone about this. Or I'll casually decapitate you.”

“No one would believe me if I told them anyways,” Cat said with a derisive snort and strode out of their, flipping her hair. Kara's eyes followed her angrily, glowing red.

“Babe, you know how much I love it when you do the laser thing, but I kind of need Cat,” Lena warned and Kara drew in a heavy breath, eyes turning back to her normal color.

“It's just....she gets to me. She's like those popular girl bullies in 90s movies,” Kara said, shaking her head so she could stop being so angry. “But will she really keep my secret?”

“I'll kill her if she doesn't.”

“That's sweet, but I don't want you killing anyone.”

Lena's lips thinned as she thought back to all those midnight snacks....”Haha, sure. No issue at all with that. Definitely kill free vampire here.” She quickly moved to the outfits she had made for Kara to dissuade the topic. “Go on, try these on for me.”

There was too much excitement in her eyes to shot her down so Kara took the outfit and tried it on, despite not wanting to do this.

“Lena I am not wearing a stripper outfit!” Kara exclaimed when she slipped the first outfit on. It was literally a bikini, a very revealing bikini and it was red and blue.

“Drat, I was hoping she wouldn't notice,” Lena mumbled under her breath before pulling up another one.

“I can't move in this one. It's too clunky.” Kara's voice was muffled from the inch of pure steel in front of her face. She looked like Ironman's hulk suit, but with a sloppy S painted on front. In fact.....had Lena by any chance stolen this from Tony Stark? Actually, the less Kara knew the better. She didn't want to face a whole Avenger by herself.

“But it's safe.”

“Yea, safe for the criminals because I can't get to them like this.”

Lena rolled her eyes. “What about this?”

“That's just my suit. With pants.” Kara paused. “Actually, I like that. I never thought of pants before. It would definitely make things warmer during winter.” She grabbed that and put it on.

And from that day on, Supergirl now began having pants for her outfits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Part two will be coming out in two weeks time.
> 
> Will Lena meet Alex? Will Kara beat some monsters? And will the two of them finally start working on figuring out what's up with those keys?


	11. Chapter 11

**XXVIII. Lex Visits**

Today Lex was making a quick stop at Lena's apartment so Lena could see how Lex was doing with his new role as queen. In the comfort of their apartment, he took his wig off. It made it less odd for Lena to be talking to another version of herself.

“What's wrong with your hand?” Lex asked as he looked at Lena's hand where she had three fingers bandaged up. Vampires had a super healing factor, but even they took time for bigger injuries. “Punch another vampire guy's dick?”

Lena scowled at him. Lex knew that had been an embarrassing situation where she had tried to reward the guy for unwantingly hitting on her but forgot that his skin, even his nuts, had been hard. “No. I forgot to take them out of Kara before she came.” She gave a casual shrug at this. Now that Kara's true identity was out, she was not holding back her strength.

Lex looked horrified. “Are all human women like this?” He didn't know Kara was an alien.

Lena gave him a dead pan look. “You're the man here. You should know.”

He looked down at his crotch in horror at imagining that inside a human when they came. And the crunch of it as it broke. “This is why I stick to men.”

“And furries.”

“Only because they've got so much hair!”

“It's not hair, it's fur,” Lena clarified for what felt like the hundredth time.

“You wouldn't know because you take your hair for granted!” he howled melodramatically and rushed out of the apartment.

Oh yea, he was definitely perfect at a queen role.

**XXVIV. Hello?**

Lena came into Kara's apartment only for a second before she smelled it. Wet dog.

How the hell had a werewolf gotten access into Kara's place?

Her hackles rose and her fangs instinctively bared as she came round the corner and bumped right into the intruder whose cookie dropped into the mug of milk she had been dipping it into.

She looked up with a glare, teeth bared as well when she smelled who it was.

“You have a lot of nerve coming in here and making my cookie fall into the milk. Everyone knows you're only supposed to eat a half soggy cookie, not a fully soggy one.”

“And you have a lot of nerve coming into my place,” Lena snarled back.

“So you're the mangy vamp tramp I've been smelling around here,” she pinched her nose, eyes glowing silver in anger. She could change in any second and Lena had to get her out of here- if only to protect Kara who had only learned to kill vampires so far.

And speaking of Kara, she also rounded around the corner and stopped when she saw the two women in a stand off. “Uh, what's going on here?”

“Kara, stand back, this woman's dangerous!” Lena cried out, grabbing the front of the werewolf's muscle tee and holding her closer to her, so she couldn't reach out and punch Kara. This close the mangy mutt's stench was even stronger. She growled and grabbed Lena by the shoulders, ready to tear right into her.

“Lena stop that. That's my sister, Alex!” Kara said, getting in between the two of them and pulling them away.

“Sister?” Lena sputtered. “I didn't know you had a werewolf as a sister.”

“A what?” Kara's eyes went wide as she turned to look at Alex in a new light.

“Thanks a lot!” Alex said sarcastically to Lena. “She wasn't supposed to know.”

“You really are the worst monster hunter ever,” Lena commented and shook her head at Kara who still looked quite dumbfounded. Alex walked off, going to grab another cookie for her milk as Lena jerked down her jacket to straighten it. No doubt it some fur on it from where Alex grabbed her. She'd have to get it dry cleaned. “How could you not tell your own sister was one?”

“Well....she's my adopted sister....and um?” Kara shrugged haplessly, at a loss. Then something dawned on her. “Omg all that hair on the floor wasn't our pet dog shedding! And those weird noises at night weren't you having sex with random men! It was you being a werewolf!”

Kara got closer to Alex, demanding more answers. “Why didn't you tell me anything?”

“Humans aren't supposed to know,” Alex said simply, looking uncomfortable having this conversation as she dunked her cookie.

“But I'm not human. I'm an alien!”

“Wait, you are?” Alex blinked. Now it was her turn to be shocked.

“Y-you didn't know?” Kara said. “I was drunk, really drunk, and I came up to you at the bar and told you about it all!”

“When was this?”

“Last year at new year's?”

Alex shook her head. “No, that wasn't me. You never told me something.”

Kara slapped a hand over her eyes as her shoulders slumped at her gaff. “I told a random stranger that I was an alien. No wonder you didn't look at me weird the next day.” Kara had wondered about why Alex had been so casual when Kara had asked, “So, about last night. We're good?”

And Alex had replied, “Yea, we're always good.” And then fist bumped Kara to show how good they were.

“So what, mom and dad just adopted you out of the blue?”

Kara shook her head. “No, my planet was destroyed, so I was put on a ship and flown here. Mom and dad found me and took me in and told me everything when I was experiencing weird changes.”

“Like the sudden urge to probe people?”

“God, no! That's not a thing aliens do!” Kara protested.

“What about abducting cows?”

“No!”

“Or those crop circle things?”

“Alex, I swear I haven't done anything like that. And if it's other aliens doing it I seriously don't know because I have no contact with them,” Kara said definitively.

A silence fell between them and Lena watched from her spot, not wanting to intrude on this family moment. Kara rubbed her arm awkwardly. “Well, at least mom and dad are human.”

At this Alex looked away.

“Oh my god, Alex!” Kara shrilled out, upset.

Lena decided, maybe they'd need the whole apartment to themselves to figure this out. Knowing Kara would be the one to be a danger to her werewolf sister now, she let herself out.

**XXX. Family Relations**

“My life is a fucking joke,” Kara moaned as she flopped dramatically into the grass backwards. Lena caught her the second before she touched down and moved her to a safer spot without dog poop.

“You were saying?” she asked, lying down next to her in her all white suit and pants, propping her head up on one elbow. When one had all of eternity, grass stains eventually came out of white fabric.

“Under my nose the whole time, my family has been hiding secrets. My sister's a werewolf, my dad is one too, and my mother is a fucking fairy! Like, I thought I was the weird one.”

“I think what you're feeling is out of place. You thought this whole time you were the special one. The odd one. And now you're not and you don't know how to feel or what to do.”

Lena did have a point. Two points, actually. And hidden inside her gums. But that was beside the point. Her main point on Kara feeling out of place was right.

“And look on the bright side, at least your family is more accepting of you because of what you are and what they are. And that's not being human. I think you should tell them about being Supergirl too.”

Kara shook her head right away. “I don't think I'm ready for that yet.”

“It's not like coming out of the closet. People don't generally get mad about people secretly being heroes.”

“I haven't come out either,” Kara added, a touch wistfully as she looked up at the darkening sky and Lena looked at her. “Did you come out to your family?”

“Yea, I did. And it took me a hundred years to do so,” Lena admitted not proudly. “But, I did grow up in a different era. Loving women openly was not really an option.”

“What did your family do when they found out?”

“Lex laughed at me and bought me the lesbian version of the Karma Sutra, my father chased me around the house as a bat and got tangled in my hair, and my mother tried to make a porno out of it.”

“What is with your mother and porno's?”

“She followed me around for weeks on end and I couldn't get laid because she'd be there watching. Talk about a mood killer.” Lena shrugged casually. It didn't bother her. Not anymore at least. “She's my mother. She's family. I've got to love her.”

“Yea. I wish I knew my real family,” Kara said wistfully.

“You don't know them?”

“I was a baby when my planet got destroyed, so no. Not really.”

“That sucks. Like, worse than a vampire does.”

Kara gave her the side eye for that joke. “Thanks,” she said sarcastically.

“Sorry,” Lena gave a sheepish grin. “I'm never good at staying serious for long. What's the point. Life sucks, move on with it. And once you've lived enough of life to see how bad it can get, honestly, it's not worth staying down when something bad happens because they'll just be something else to kick your ass down the corner so laugh, while you still can.”

“That's.....actually solid advice. I never thought I'd hear some from you,” Kara said.

“Once you live long enough, you tend to pick up something or another.” Lena made a face as she remembered something unpleasant. “Like diseases. So many diseases. Thank god for modern medicine.”

Kara felt compelled not to ask any further on such a topic.

They sat in silence a bit, before Lena turned to Kara. “So, tell me more.”

“My superhero story? I already told you it. Part of it.”

“Yea. But you didn't tell me all of it.”

Kara sighed, structured her words together. 

“I don't remember much of my culture. My home planet was destroyed when I was a baby and they sent me in an escape pod here where my foster parents found me and raised me. I didn't know I wasn't human until my teenage years when my body began to go through changes that normal humans don't experience. Like, flattening a forest with a sneeze. Or carelessly not looking and walking into a building and making it collapse. You know. Not normal teen stuff. But it wasn't until I met Superman that I didn't know exactly who I was. He told me the truth about our species and then helped train my powers a bit, which is why I took on the mantle of being Supergirl in honor of him. But other than that, I haven't done anything real interesting.”

“I'm sure you certainly spent your years doing more productive things than I did in a hundred of mine.”

Kara shrugged. “I guess if one has less time they tend to cram it with as many things as they can.”

The both of them lapsed into silence again, looking up at the stars. Both of them wondered, which one had been Kara's original home. 


	12. Chapter 12

**31\. The Hunt Begins**

“Why are we here?” Lena complained as she and Kara walked down a dingy alley.

“Because we're meeting Maggie here. She said she found a monster of a guy and it's time to put my training into action and to fulfill that role that mystery guy gave me,” Kara explained.

“Ugh,” Lena complained dramatically. “But did it have to be in the middle of the night?” she asked, annoyed.

“Don't vampires like the night? Thrive in it?” Kara narrowed her eyes at Lena.

“But I need to get my beauty sleep. These cheeks don't stay ageless by staying up late,” Lena said and squished her butt cheeks together rather than her facial cheeks like Kara would have expected any sane person to do. Then again, it was Lena, so any other response would have been abnormal.

“You don't sleep,” Kara pointed out.

Lena rolled her eyes. “Can't you just let me complain?”

Before they considered this inane topic any further, they found Maggie standing in the middle of the alley, indicating with a raised finger to her lips to be quiet.

They followed her to the end of the alley, crouching down behind a dumpster. There was a guy there, shaking and rubbing his hands, running them through his hair. He looked up at the sky every two seconds. It was clouded for now.

“It's a crack head. Doesn't mean he's a monster,” Kara said as she eyed his weird motions.

“Maybe he is. Glad I got another monster slayer's opinion,” Maggie clamped a hand to Kara's shoulder. “But do you think he's hot? Like, should I bang him?”

Kara shrugged. “I don't know. Maybe? He's kinda got that scruffy thing going for him.”

Lena rolled her eyes. They were such amateurs. “He's clearly a wolf about to go into his change. I'll stop him while the two of you hold tight and discuss his dick size since clearly that's the most important thing here,” she said sarcastically. She got out from where she was hiding.

He sensed her right away, freezing as she approached him. She smiled at him, ever confident and well dressed in her many stylish suits. “Why hello there. Not a lovely night, is it?” She looked up at the moon which the clouds were slowly revealing. He snarled at the sight.

“Why don't we take this somewhere else. Somewhere safer, where no one will be hurt,” she held out a calm hand. Normally, she didn't give one fuck about werewolf plights but Kara was still here and they hadn't covered werewolves yet. Vampires, fairies, witches and weird woodland creatures, yes. But not wolves. Lena put the worst for last.

“How can I trust you?” he asked. His words were garbled.

“Because I am your only hope for getting somewhere safe right during your change. And I know you don't want this to happen in the middle of a city.”

“Fine,” he relented, after staring her down. Pain laced through his features as the moon was three fourths revealed- but his need to get away was stronger than his hatred for vampires for he let her touch him willingly. Lena grabbed his arm and zoomed him over to somewhere she knew he would be safe for now.

When she came back she found Kara nor Maggie had been paying any mind to her heroic rescue of this situation.

How rude.

They were discussing dick sizes- still. As if it was the most fascinating thing on this planet. More fantastical than were-fucking-wolves.

Lena cleared her throat.

They didn't stop talking.

She cleared it again.

They still ignored her. Or didn't notice her. Either one, it was rude.

Lena aggressively cleared her throat.

They were aggressively deaf.

She sucked in a huge breath to do it again when a cough drop thwacked her right in the throat.

She let it fall to the ground before crushing it under her heel. “Alright you idiots, can we focus here!” she nearly screamed.

“Sorry,” Kara said sheepishly. “I got carried away.”

“It's like you're not even a lesbian,” Lena chided, with deep offense.

“Hey, where did the big dick guy go?” Maggie asked in disappointment.

“I took him away somewhere where he would be safe because he was about to turn into a wolf. And now I have fur all over me.” She scowled and made a show of rubbing it off.

“Why did you do that? I was supposed to learn more about wolves!” Kara exclaimed.

“You're not ready for that yet. If I had known what Maggie had in store for you, I wouldn't have taken you to him,” Lena said defensively of her girlfriend.

“I just wanted a second opinion about how cute he was. I was talking with him and then he up and started acting weird and I went after him to make sure I could get his number or his dick before I left. It's not like Kara was gonna fight him or something,” Maggie said, doing a one shoulder shrug and chewing loudly on her gum.

Was this woman really a monster hunter? Lena gave her a hard stare. Either way, she didn't like her. She almost put Kara in danger if it hadn't been for Lena there to save the night.

“Come on, Kara, we're gonna go,” Lena said, grabbing Kara's arm and leading her away.

“Alright, like bye,” Maggie called out, going back in the direction of the club she had escaped from.

“Lena, why are we leaving?!”

“Because I'm mad at you. You're in no shape to take on a werewolf and you didn't even pay attention to how I took care of it. You and Maggie were just talking. Not paying attention when it comes to monsters can lead to trouble!”

Kara crossed her arms over her chest. A little smile grew on her lips. “Just like now?”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn't pay you any attention so now I'm in trouble.”

“Oh my- no, that's not what I meant at all!” Lena growled. Kara threw her arm around her shoulders. “It's alright. I know how you need the world to revolve around you. How about we go to bed and I show you how the world really spins?”

Lena cracked a smile despite herself. “I'd like that.”

**32\. Sex Ed**

“What's up with your neck?” Lex asked as he spotted Lena in the kitchen, stirring some honey into her tea. He was back from the underworld on another visit.

“What about my neck?” she asked defensively, turning to him and he winced as he saw how bad it looked from upfront. Her neck was bent so far that her head was resting on her shoulder and she couldn't look him right in the eyes.

“Its-well, haven't you seen your reflection in the mirror,” he said, throwing his hands out.

She fixed him with a pointed glare.

“Uh, right, I forgot, vampire.” He twirled his finger in the air. “But seriously, it's fucked up. Who'd you fight?”

“Kara's pussy,” Lena shrugged and winced when her shoulder hit her eye. “She rode my face pretty hard. If I wasn't dead already I'm sure it would have killed me.”

“Yea, no shit.” He took the tea she offered him, took a sip and then spit it out when he realized he couldn't taste it and that it tasted like ash. “Do you want me to fix it for you?” he asked, wiping the tea that had dribbled down his mouth with the back of his white sleeve. A quick snap and it would be upright once more.

“No, I'm fine,” she took the tea back and drank it. She was stubborn when it came to giving up human food.

“You're just saying this because you don't want to deal with the pain. Don't be a baby.”

“I'm not a baby. I just don't mind this,” she said and tried to drink her tea only for it to all go down her nose by accident. She spluttered and Lex watched this, rolling his eyes.

“Alright. Be like that.” Lena was being stubborn, and unafraid of Lex, but Lex knew how to get help on his side.

* * *

“We need to take Lena to the doctor,” Lex confided to Kara.

“Why? What happened?” she asked as she left work.

“Because you broke her neck while having sex.”

Kara's eyes bulged out. “She told me I didn't! That it was completely normal for vampire necks to do that and it would be normal in the morning. I knew I heard a loud crack.”

“Yea, well we need to get it straightened out and we have to go to the doctor. The only thing is, Lena hates doctors.”

“Why?” Kara asked.

Lex shrugged. “I don't know. She just does. So you need to help me convince her to go.”

“Okay, I will.”

* * *

“Okay, so I may have convinced her into doing something else,” Kara explained as a pissed off Lex stood in front of her bedroom door, tapping his finger against his thigh, other hand on hip. He left to give Kara some time to convince Lena and what had he come back to? Them having wild and loud sex.

“Let me guess, was it sex?” he said flatly.

Kara's eyes went wide. “How'd you know?”

He looked at her outfit. “You're not wearing a shirt.”

“I knew I forgot to put something on,” she muttered to herself before redirecting, crossing arms over her chest to hide her breasts. “Okay, look. So I figured, if her neck got bent during sex before, then I could do sex again and it would bend the other way and all would be better.”

“And did it work?”

“Well....”

He barged into the room past Kara and found Lena's head was now upside down on her neck. “Sup,” she said casually, sitting on the rumpled bed, acting like she hadn't totally had sex on it, and reading a book upside down.

“So the neck got fixed, but now her head.....” Kara wrung her wrists. “I'm no doctor but this isn't good.”

“No, it's terrible,” Lex pinched his brow. “We need to take her to the doctor.”

“Oh hell no!” Lena cried out and launched herself out the window before he could so much as take a step forward. “Kara, go after her. You made this mess, you fix it.”

“Right,” Kara gulped and went after Lena.

**33\. A fear of Doctors**

“So why does Lena hate the doctor so much?” Kara asked as Lena hissed from within the vampire proof cage they had locked her in. Kara had ordered it from the Monster Hunter catalog. Lex was currently driving a white van to get to the road that would lead them into the underworld where they seek the specialty of a vampire doctor to heal Lena.

Lex shrugged. “I don't know. If you haven't noticed, my sister is weird.”

“That's to put it mildly,” Kara hummed in appreciation as Lena's screaming and hissing picked up in intensity.

“I will flay this car of it's metal. I shall piss in the rivers. I shall burn the world around you while I bathe in the blood of my victims! If you do not free me from this cage I swear this upon my late mother's grave!”

“Our mother is still alive,” Lex said calmly.

“Then upon whoever is dead that was in our family,” Lena amended. “Free me from this cage!!!!” she howled, throwing herself at the bars.

Lex just turned on the radio and drowned out her cries with the music.

They unloaded the car in a damp cave, where there was an elevator to take the vampires down. “Kara, you can't come with us, because you're a human and it's too dangerous for you to be there.”

“Actually, I'm an alien,” she said.

Lex laughed. “Nice pun. But just because you're an immigrant from another country, it doesn't mean the other monsters here will see you as an alien.”

“No, I'm literally an alien. I came out like a week ago.”

“Huh, so it's a gender term then? Or a sexuality?” Lex pondered. “I can never keep up with you crazy kids and your terms,” he mumbled, shaking his head as he went to the elevator.

Kara was gonna correct him but then decided it wasn't worth her time. Instead, she went and kicked a pebble around as she waited for them to come back.

* * *

Kara ended up taking a nap. When she woke up she found Lex and Lena, with her head on correctly, sucking on a lollipop as they exited. “So, how was everything?” Kara asked, wondering how it had went.

“Awful,” Lena said, sniffling. “I can't believe you betrayed me like this and made me go to the doctors.”

“What's so bad about them? They're meant to make you feel better.”

But Lena did not answer, just sticking up nose in the air and marching over to the car, throwing herself into it so violently it shook.

Kara felt defeated. Like she had done a bad thing. Technically it was her fault for what happened to Lena, but she hadn't meant for it to happen. She was sorry for it, for causing Lena pain.

“She'll get over it soon,” Lex assured when he saw Kara looking put out by it.

“Right,” Kara sighed heavily. “Did you find out why she hates the doctor so much?”

“He didn't give her a lollipop last time she went and she hasn't forgiven him for it, even though they're for kids. So, she trashed his office and threw them all out at the end, before taking one for herself.”

Kara nodded her head. Yup, made sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Plot's gonna start kicking in next chapter (or whatever type of plot this story can even have)


	13. Chapter 13

**XXXIV. Bad Puppy**

“Oh my god, you again?” Lena groaned out in heavy displeasure when she saw Alex sitting on the couch in her and Kara's apartment. No doubt she had shed all over it.

“I have to know what your intentions with my sister are,” Alex stated, standing up, arms crossed over her chest to be more intimidating. Lena would have been more scared of a pillow pet.

“To fuck her,” Lena said plainly and Alex choked on that bluntness.

“You-you what!”

“To. Fuck. Her. Get it now?” Lena said slowly.

“I heard you the first damned time!” Alex growled. “But I don't like it. I don't like a dirty leech like you getting her hands on my sister. I bet you drink her blood too!”

While Alex was getting worked up, Lena was calm. An unimpressed calm at the young werewolf's temper. “Uh, no, I don't. I don't drink her blood because I respect her as a alien pretending to be a human. I do love fucking her though, so I won't stop that.”

“Will you stop calling it that! I don't need the imagery of you and my sister-” she blanched and stuck out her tongue.

“Oh please. She's not a prude. You're sister is a freak in bed. She's into things even I didn't know existed, though, that may be because she's an alien and they really have a thing for belly buttons- it's like an instant cum button ya know. Press it and she cums like a levee is breaking-”

“Shut up!” Alex screamed, turning gray now. She really didn't want to hear this about her sister.

Lena stopped her rant but smiling pointedly. “So, we clear on my intentions with your sister?”

“Yes, very,” Alex said through gritted teeth. “So if you think that I'll let you date her just so you can use her for sex, then you have another-”

“Not just sex. I like her. I care for her. I want her to be happy,” Lena interjected.

“Like I can believe a single word out of your snaked mouth, leech!” Alex disbelieved.

Lena rolled her eyes. “As if you would know how a relationship works or how to be in a happy one. Don't tell me off when you yourself don't know any better.”

“I do know better.”

“Ya, and who can testify to that? The line of people you dated-oh, wait, they're not there because you didn't date anyone!”

Alex flushed at this. It was clear Lena had hit a nerve. “I'm just-I'm just not ready to date someone who I can't come out to as a supernatural being.”

“I bet you haven't even kissed anyone.”

Alex flushed even harder. Aw, a virgin wolf. How rare. “I-I get hugs!” she protested, trying to defend herself.

“Someone hugged you? Of their own free will?” Lena's eyes went wide, as she sarcastically continued ripping Alex a new one.

“Yes,” Alex grumbled, deflating. Suddenly she looked like she had realized coming inside the vampire's den had been a very bad idea.

“Are you sure it was a hug,” Lena narrowed her eyes. “Are you sure it wasn't like them trying to strangle you or something.”

“I'm sure,” Alex said flatly. She sighed out. “Look,” she concluded weakly. “Just.....treat my sister right, or else I'll come for your pale ass.” And then, she grabbed her flannel and left, slamming the door so hard it left cracks in the wall plaster.

“Bad puppy,” Lena said under her breath before pulling out her phone to get contractors to fix this new mess.

**XXXV. A New Mess**

“That's not Lena. She's eyeing all the men,” stated a vampire with a receding hairline at the board meeting 'Lena' was holding. The biggest clue was that Lena was even holding a board meeting at all. The blatant staring at any hot man, was just an added bonus. And he hadn't been the only one to notice.

As Lena rambled about ways to get recycling going in their community- because it was bad enough humans were shit at it, vampires should be so much better because they'd been alive at least a couple centuries each, long enough to practice and get it right- the balding man turned to his equally balding friend.

“We should take this chance and take over the throne. If she's not going to take this job seriously and hire some replacement rip off, then we might as well give the throne to someone who does care about this kingdom and about the dirty mutts at our door, baying for our blood.”

“I agree,” the friend agreed. They put their heads together and began to scheme, as Fido, one of Lena's loyal supporters as he thought she was hot, overheard.

He knew the Lena at the front of the table wasn't his Lena. It was obvious it was just a good costume and a terrible impression. Last weekend 'Lena' had tried to hit on him. Lena would rather be staked by her nipples and hung upside down over a pool of holy water than flirt with the male species.

He had to find his queen and warn her. Something bad was coming.

But how would he know where to even look? She could be anywhere, doing anything.

* * *

He read a human newspaper.

It was an old one he found discarded on the street. As it had been picked up by the wind, it smacked him right in the face. He pulled it off and saw on the front page, news about Lena Luthor becoming the CEO of a newspaper company.

Oh. Well that hadn't been hard. He went to the company.

* * *

“Lena you have someone here to see you,” Cat said, tapping away on her phone.

Lena stopped spinning in her chair and stood up so fast she made herself dizzy.

“Who is it?” Kara asked, hoping it wouldn't be some secret surprise ex of Lena's, from Lena's dark past. Because then Kara would have to fight them. 

Cat shrugged. “I don't know. He said his name is Fido.”

“Ah, Fido!” Lena's face lit up. “Let him in.”

“I already did. He's been here this whole time,” Cat pointed out before leaving the room. She closed the door on the way out, Fido appearing from where he had been hiding behind the open door. He wore a fedora and a cape, looking all mysterious.

“Lena, I hoped to see you on better circumstances,” he began gravely.

“What? What's wrong?” she asked, her smile at seeing him dropping.

“Somebody big is coming. Something very big,” Fido warned as the tension stretched out on what he would say, Lena and Kara holding their breath in suspense.

And then he farted. “Ah, that's much better,” he said with a relieved sigh.

Kara instantly covered her nose, gagging, tears in her eyes at the smell. “Oh my Rao. What the hell did you eat that it smells like death?!” she exclaimed.

“It's not that bad, Kara,” Lena chastised lightly.

“Says you! You broke off your nose to stop breathing it in!” Kara pointed out with an accusing finger at Lena's face where a hole was where her nose should be. “I can't take this anymore,” Kara coughed and went to open the window. Since they were on the 90th floor and the winds were high up here, it created a vacuum in which everything started flying out Lena's window. Her papers, her books, her carpets, her paintings on the walls. She didn't seem to mind.

“What happened?” she asked Fido, concerned with other matters of utmost importance.

“Some men are planning to take the throne from you. Whoever you hired to replace you is in danger, as are you when they decide to get rid of you for real.”

“They don't think that's me, on the throne right now?”

Fido shrugged. “Uh, to be fair, none of us do. You keep flirting with men.”

Lena frowned, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Under her breath she muttered, “you would think being gay would help Lex in acting gay, but nooooo,” she drawled, annoyed. She picked her head up. “Thank you for the warning, Fido. Please report back anything to me that you find. I'll take care of the rest of the matters.”

He knelt in front of her, taking her hand in his and kissing it. “Anything for you my queen.” Then he left in a burst of speed.

Kara had finally gotten all the fresh air she needed and closed the window. Lena turned to face her, and found half her office missing. Even her desk had been sucked out by now. Whatever. She'd replace it later.

“What are we going to do?” Kara asked in worry.

**XXXVI. Lena's in Danger**

After Fido left, Lena had called Lex over, so the two could discuss what to do.

“Whelp, so I'm in danger. This calls for me going on vacation.”

Kara looked at her like she had two heads. “Vacation- why?”

“In Aruba. With many mojitos.”

“Lena, try to take at least one thing seriously-”

“I am,” Lena said deadpan. “They'll never suspect me, a vampire, to go to a sunny place. I'll be safe there.”

Huh, that did make logical sense in a way. “And what, we just wait there until it all blows over? What about Lex? About the company?”

“I'm joining Lena on the beach,” he said and when Kara gave him a glance, he was already wearing a Hawaiian shirt and had a surfboard tucked under his armpit.

“And Cat's handling the company. We can trust her to take care of it,” Lena said dismissively.

“And she'll just....cover for us? Won't rat us out?” Kara poised, because she still did not like that woman one bit.

“She'll have to if I order her too,” Lena said confidently. Somehow, Kara was not convinced. “And what of the throne? Won't someone take all that power from you?” she fretted.

“Sure, but they won't last. They'll have the throne for a week, maybe two, and then they'll get slaughtered and replaced by someone new. The cycle will continue and then, boom none of the usurpers will be left and the throne will be ours again.”

Kara's jaw hung open. “How can you be so certain?”

Lena tapped her nose. “Oh, let's just say....the throne's cursed for those who haven't earned it. But nobody knows about the curse but us.”

“That is.....evil,” Kara blanched.

Lena shrugged. “The throne likes to control what type of ass sits on it. Can't do anything about it.”

“And how do they...what are they cursed with?” Kara wondered in horror.

Lena gave her a look. “You don't want to know.” Said seriously and then in a split second she was smiling at Lex. “Alright. Aruba?”

“I was thinking Punta Cana,” Lex said and two siblings went off to plan.


	14. Chapter 14

**XXXVII. Some Vacation Relaxation**

“Uh....isn't this a little culturally....insensitive?” Kara asked as she slashed another sprite in half. She and Lena were deep in a thick jungle, happily slashing and hacking. Well, at least Lena was happy. Kara wasn't.

“What do you mean?” asked Lena as she hacked one into bits with too much vim and vigor.

“We're killing sprites.”

“And?” Lena did not see the problem with this. Probably because she was morally gray but also because she had some sprite blood in her eyes and it was covering up her vision.

“They're local to this culture. And we, as white women, are essentially eradicating the local culture,” Kara pointed out.

Lena sighed, readying herself for a speech. “Kara, no. These sprites may be local to this culture, but I can guarantee you, we are doing everyone here a favor by killing them off. They're a pain in the ass-literally, because they're nicknamed ass biters in the language here- and they need to be killed off. As a Monster Hunter, your goal is to protect and help people, not worry over monsters and their culture.”

Kara scowled. “You know, you awfully are killing a lot of monsters for a monster. Shouldn't you care more about them? About wanting them to over run this world?”

“That is a popular misconception. No, we don't want to take over the world. Do statistically more monsters than humans want to do that, why yes. Do we succeed more often? No. Because just like there are assholes in your world, there are assholes in my world too and there will be always be good people to stop them.”

Kara slashed down the last wooden twig looking thing with coal for teeth and wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead. It was horridly humid here and her adventuring Lara Croft influenced outfit did not help with combating the heat.

She sheathed her machete and Lena did the same. All around them lay sprite bodies, and cut off ferns and plants where their machetes had missed.

“You are getting better as a monster hunter, I have to say,” Lena praised.

“Thanks,” Kara gave a small smile. She didn't like killing things, even if they looked like a log she'd sit on, but Lena was the expert on these things so Kara followed her advice. But she really did need to find a proper monster hunter society. She'd tried to ask Maggie for advice but when all she'd said had been suck their dicks, Kara had politely pointed out these things didn't have any and then hung up. Seemed Maggie had a specialized form of monster hunting. Kara had to figure out what she would specialize in.

While Kara was lost in her thoughts, Lena had wandered off.

“Lena?” Kara called out, panicked. She had no idea how to leave this jungle. She used her super smell to follow Lena's soft scent and found her standing in front of a giant temple, that was obscured by moss and vines. It looked ancient.

“Karaaaaaaa!” Lena squealed, jumping up and down like a little girl on Christmas. “Guess what I found.”

“Lena, no.”

“Oh come on! It's just a temple.”

“Haven't you watched movies? Don't you know what happens in these temples?”

“Yea, but we have superpowers. Nothing can stop us!” Lena said and then speed into the temple without another concern.

* * *

“Okay, this is _definitely_ culturally insensitive,” Kara said when they stepped out of the temple on the other end, arms loaded with ancient treasures they had found. They had made it in without activating a single trap.

Alright, so Kara might have activated like one, but she swiftly stopped the swinging ax with her bare hand and put it back in the wall where it had come from. So technically, they were officially the best tomb raiders. Lara Croft could eat her heart out.

“We'll drop it off at the local museum. The people deserve to see these treasures,” Lena said.

“Oh, that's actually nice of you.”

“It's not me being nice. It's me being right,” Lena stated. “Appropriation of culture is terrible,” she sniffed. “Like when they used my culture to write those awful Twilight books. We do not sparkle!”

“Noted,” Kara said flatly because she knew Lena was about to head off onto another Twilight fueled rant. Already Kara was mentally blocking out her words. Just nodding her head along to Lena's acidulous words.

**XXXVIII. What an Ass**

“Hold onto your asses!”

“Don't you mean, your hats?” Kara pointed out wisely.

“I know what I said,” Lena said, pointing at the several donkeys standing about. “Hold onto them, cause we're gonna need to ride them to get up there.” She then pointed up at a mountain.

“Why? I can fly and so can you.” Kara didn't understand Lena's logic, but then again, it wouldn't be the first time that happened.

“Stop being such a party pooper. Get into the culture of this place!” Lena exclaimed.

Kara grumbled but mounted her girlfriend's ass as Lex mounted his ass. Lena mounted an ass last, though she did lead the way up the winding mountain side. It was a harrowing journey up a narrow path which Kara's ass almost fell off of twice because it was cross eyed, but when they got there, Kara was overjoyed to see that apparently Lena had the forethought to set up a picnic for them. A romantic one, with candles and an expensive bottle of wine and plenty of native dishes.

“Lena, why didn't you just say you wanted to take me out on a date?” Kara said as the three of them tied up their asses to a post.

“Oh great,” Lex mumbled. “I get to third wheel.” He squinted at them in distaste as Kara kissed Lena's cheeks several times over in joy at seeing the food waiting for her.

“I can just throw you off the mountain side if it bothers you this much,” Lena offered.

Lex rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I'm just going to go and take some photos of this place. I'll be back in half an hour. Which should be more than enough time to eat,” he said in warning, giving her the 'an older brother trying to be strict with a younger sibling while they're gone' look. When Lena arched a devious brow at him, he added on, “and no, I don't mean eating Kara nor her eating you. But enough time for Kara to eat the food.”

He took his camera and clambered off into the trees, leaving Lena and Kara alone. “So, wine?” Lena asked, popping open the top of the bottle, and Kara popped open her top.

* * *

When Lex came back screaming like a little child who had just seen their phobia for the first time, Lena had to pull herself up from Kara's naked body with reluctance. “Lex, it hasn't even been half an hour.”

He wasn't the least bit thrown off by her blatant nudity because he was wringing his hands. “There's a scary ass man shooting lighting bolts at me!” he screeched, like a pterodactyl.

Lena rolled her eyes as she hastily redressed. Already she was buttoning up her onyx with light silver swirls shirt. Kara was a bit more flustered, namely because Lex had seen her naked accidentally, again, and she put her clothes back on. “And what did you do to piss it off?”

“I tried to take his photo! And now he's trying to fry me alive!” There was no time to question why such a man was even here. If Lena had to guess he was some ancient creature.

As if on cue, a bolt of lightening went flying over head, singing the tree fronds behind them.

Kara's eyes went wide while Lena only let out a tired sigh. “Is it so hard to ask for one proper date with my fiancee in another country?” She rolled up her sleeves before saying more loudly. “Alright, what do you want, asshole?”

A man strode out, covered in blue body paint and with lightening coming from his palms. Lex dove and hid behind Lena who stared the man down. Kara, who was also hiding behind Lena, shoved Lex to keep him from taking all her space. He shoved her back, not expecting her to be strong enough that he just ended up pushing himself off of her and onto the floor.

Lena gave the both of them a scalding look at their antics before they offered her sheepish grins. “Kara, come with me. We're about to teach this dude what happens when you mess with our date.”

“Um....” Kara said in a small voice. “I'm a monster hunter, not a demon slayer or whatever it is he is.”

“He's probably an ancient god or something that Lex stumbled into and enraged,” Lena deduced, by staring at the ancient runes inscribed into the man's skin.

Kara paled. “Even worse!”

“Kara, you're a damned superhero half the other time.”

“She is?” Lex looked at her in awe and shock.

“Not right now, Lex,” Lena stated before he could ask further.

“But I only fight small time criminals! And they're human. They don't have powers!” Kara protested.

“Then today is the day you learn how to fight one with powers,” Lena stated firmly and then turned to the man waiting before them. He grinned when he saw they were going to fight him and then lunged forwards.

Lena curled up her fists.

* * *

“You can't win all the fights,” Lena said with a bit of cheer and then handed Kara an ice cream cone as consolation.

The blonde looked at her grumpily before taking it. Her hair was still frizzled from their encounter with that super human man and Kara had been trying to tame her hair ever since. She wasn't winning that was for sure.

“How come your hair is fine?” She grumbled as she took in Lena's sleek appearance. Effortless as always.

“I didn't get struck by him about a thousand times is why,” Lena explained. “But I'm proud of you. You took him on and didn't let him beat you down. Too much, that is,” she clarified because Kara had been hit several times before she finally got a grasp on things and started hitting back. 

Kara smiled a bit at this. She had had doubts about her abilities but it had all worked out. “Still, I would have felt better if you hadn't used Lex as a shield to get close to the man before striking him with a finishing blow.”

Lena looked over at where Lex was, completely covered in black soot and hunched over his cocktail, a bit of drool coming from the corner of his mouth as he stared unseeing. Lena clapped her brother on the back and this caused him to slide off his stool at the bar. “He'll be fine. He's gotta take one for the team. Another ice cream?” she propositioned Kara who was already done with her first cone.

“Sure!” Kara said eagerly, mainly forgetting about being mad at Lena on Lex's behalf.

**XXXIX. Filthy Blood Suckers**

“I swear, that is the last time we have sex in a jungle,” Kara grumbled later that night as she itched all over from all the mosquito bites she'd gotten. She squirmed and kicked and felt incredibly uncomfortable in bed as she and Lena tried to get some shut eye.

Lena cackled in amusement, “perks of being dead: no one wants your blood. Not even thirsty mosquitoes.”

“Leech!” Kara grumbled out suddenly and Lena gasped, deeply offended. “That is actually quite derogatory towards vampires. Almost as bad as ok, boomer-”

“No, I mean a literal leech!” Kara threw back the covers and her pants and saw a leech that had gorged itself on her blood to the point that it was now the size of a log.

Lena's eyes went wide. “Holy fuck! How did you not notice that before!”

“I was kinda nervous with the whole fighting a god thing and then we had dinner so I didn't feel drained.” Kara hopped out of bed, the leech kind of swinging around between her legs like some deformed dick.

“Oh hell no, that thing is touching your lady bits! Only I get to suck your lady bits like that!” Lena declared possessively and tried to pull it off.

Kara screamed out in pain and punched Lena reflexively to get her away. This sent Lena flying out the window of their hotel room. “Oh my Rao, Lena!” Kara gasped and hobbled over to see if she was fine. Lena shot her a thumbs up from how she was laying on the ground, about ten floors down. Her legs were at weird angles.

“I'm fine!”she got up, cracking her back to fix it and was then crawling up the sides of the hotel like a spider.

“I didn't mean to hit you,” Kara apologized. “It was a reflex.”

“It's alright,” Lena brushed it off. “We've got to figure out how to get the monstrosity off from between your legs.”

“I don't think it's coming off, until it's done feeding. I've read that somewhere,” Kara explained.

But Lena wasn't going to give up easily. She held up a pair of tweezers.

“Lena, no, you can't just pluck it off,” Kara pressed a thumb to her brow in stress. The thing between her legs wiggled.

“Flamethrower?” Lena suggested.

Kara's face was one of horror. “Rao, no! You could burn me!”

“You're an alien. You can handle a bit of heat. You literally took a lit candle up the ass last time we-”

“No!” Kara cut off.

“Fine,” Lena sighed out and tossed it away. She rubbed her chin, staring at the leech. Maybe.....

“I guess we just have to wait until it's over,” Kara sighed out, annoyed.

“What about if you fuck me with it?” Lena suggested out of the blue.

Kara's mouth dropped open. “Lena, I am in pain and panic and all you can think about is having sex with me?”

“It would be remiss to not use this opportunity. If it's not going to come off, then we might as well make good use of its thick, and flexible nature...” she trailed off.

For a good second, Kara did have to say she was tempted but she shook her head no. “Lena...”

“Come on, just think about it. You haven't fucked me with a strap, like ever. Why not now?” To be fair, they had skipped the more vanilla parts of sex and gone right to the kinky side. Using a strap would be like scaling down from a 10 to a 2. 

Kara pursed her lips and Lena could see her beginning to cave.

But before they could continue, the problem solved itself.

“Can't even finish my meal in peace. You bitches are sick,” the leech said, dropping with a thud to the ground. "Wanting to use me as a strap. The fuck." It snaked across the floor to the door and somehow, despite not having arms, managed to open it, and leave. Even Lena's eyes were wide open at that. Nobody spoke for a good moment. 

“Wow, I've seen and done a lot of weird shit. But that? I fucking can't _even_,” she said, a bit breathless. “I think I may need to sit down a bit.”

“Yea, me too,” Kara said weakly and the two of them just sat in the dark and processed all this.


	15. Chapter Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Because it's about to be Christmas, enjoy this Halloween story while you eat your Thanksgiving dinner.

Lena was lounging in the tub, up to her neck in suds and there was a magic swirling orb in between her legs, hovering a bit over the water and emitting an ominous sound as suds poured out of it, filling the tub.

“Why is there a magic portal in the bath tub?” Kara asked. She was frozen in shock in the doorway, hand on the doorknob.

“The better question is, why haven't we had one until now?” Lena poised from her very comfortable bath.

“Why the hell would we need a magic portal!” Kara exclaimed. She swore she couldn't leave her girlfriend unattended for a single second-!

“Well, we can get anything we want from it. Think of it like Uber eats, but free and immediate. And for anything. We can even order a rail gun.”

“We don't even need a rail gun.”

Lena quirked up one corner of her lip. “Well, you sound awfully opposed for someone who loves getting railed each night.”

Kara ignored that, eyeing the portal with worry that it would explode.

“Lena, no, we can't just have a magic portal in our apartment! Terrible things could happen!”

Lena scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Tell me one bad thing that happened because of a magical portal.”

“Literal armies of evil have come out of them.”

“Okay, give me like five examples.”

“Evil villains. Time traveling psychos. Your mother's Corgi. Tentacles. Demons.”

“Okay....give me like five more-”

“No, Lena, the portal goes!” Kara ordered, stamping her foot.

“Fine,” Lena scowled, pretending as if agreeing, and sunk lower into the suds as Kara slammed the door and left the bathroom. What neither of them noticed was the ball glowing red for a second.

Soon after, a montage of Lena and the portal named Sophia, is seen. Pictures of them having a romantic picnic for two. Going on a roller coaster. Tanning at the beach. Getting drinks at a bar. And then Lena getting into a fight at said bar and Sophia holding her back.

And at the end of the night- “Oh, I can't let you go,” Lena said, looking at the orb with pure affection. It was even pouting at her. It had to stay. At least for one more night.

The orb hummed happily and followed Lena home.

* * *

“Lena I told you to get rid of the magic portal!” Kara complained when she saw Lena having breakfast with it. It was hovering in the seat next to her. In front of it was a full plate of bacon, eggs and toast.

“I couldn't just kick it out so rudely. It's hungry,” Lena reasoned. “And her name is Sophia.”

“Magic portals can't get hungry!”

“Shows how much you know about the world,” Lena said condescendingly.

“Just...just get rid of it, please!” Kara begged, going to be at wit's end.

“Fine.....” Lena complained as the magic portal shone red for a second and then slurped up everything on it's plate.

Lena stood at the park, the portal hovering by her side. “I'm sorry, portal. I wish we could be together but we can't. This is goodbye,” she said tearfully and then ran home to spare the pain. The portal stayed floating there on the grass. It went from a bubble gum pink to red.

* * *

“Where did you say the two ruffians ran off to?” Kara, dressed as Supergirl, asked. She was looking at the empty street but no one was there but her and the victim, a Miss Magical. But as she watched in horror, the lady shed her trench coat and hat and under it was the portal. “No!” Kara screamed out before everything went dark.

* * *

That night when Lena got to bed, she flicked on the switch to see Sophia was in her bed, lying on Kara's side.

“Sophia, what's going on here?” Lena asked, hesitant and cautious.

Sophia threw back the covers to reveal her orb body was naked. Lena gasped and covered her eyes. “Sophia, I'm an engaged woman!”

“Kara was just getting in between us. You don't have to worry about her any longer,” Sophia said in a smooth voice as she came up to Lena, trying to seduce her.

“Kara? What happened to Kara!” Lena fretted.

“I made it so it's just the two of us,” Sophia said as she leaned in to kiss Lena.

Suddenly Kara came out of nowhere, dirtied and harried, but alive. She kicked the bedroom door open.

“I lived, bitch,” Kara said, holding a shot gun and firing it into the portal.

Sophia screamed and dropped to the floor, her pink color fading to a gray hue.

“Kara!” Lena breathed out in relief and went to hug her. “I was so worried about you. I'll never not listen you again,” she swore.

“Good. We need to bury her before anyone finds out.”

Lena took the portal out back and shoveled dirt on it. “We had a good time,” she told the dirt when she was done patting it down. “But you took it too far. Kara's my one true love.” She left, slinging the shovel over her shoulder. She didn't look back, missing the pink glow seeping out through the cracks as the portal revived, humming ominously once more.

* * *

“Did that actually happen?” Alex asked as she stopped eating her taffy. She and Kara had gone trick or treating. Kara as Supergirl, getting many compliments for looking authentic, and Alex as a wolf, also complimented on looking authentic.

They had gotten a huge haul of candy and Kara had taken all of Alex's chocolate, citing that it was toxic to dogs so it would be toxic to werewolves as well. That had just been an excuse for Kara to hog all the good candies.

“No,” Kara admitted. “But I keep having reoccurring nightmares about it. What do you think it could mean?”

“That you don't get enough sleep?” Alex shrugged and tried to discreetly snatch a candy from Kara's pile. Kara lasered a hole in the table next to Alex's hand to dissuade her. Alex snatched her hand back quickly.

“Maybe it's just stress. Anyways, thanks for hanging out with me today. I'll see you around.”

Kara hurried home so she could see her girlfriend. She had left Lena alone for too long and she feared to think what trouble she had cooked up this time. Especially on a Halloween night.

She could hear the splashing of water and she went to the bathroom, figuring Lena was taking a late night bath.

Opening the door, she saw Lena there, with a magical portal.

It was Kara's nightmare, come true.

She screamed.

And woke up screaming, heart racing.

Lena stirred next to her. “Babe, what happened?” she asked as Kara tried to catch her breath. It had all been a dream. A bad dream. She pressed a hand to her chest.

Just some stupid nightmare. Or was it?

As Lena fretted over Kara, asking her if she needed some water, a pink ball hovered outside of their window, watching in.


	16. Chapter 16

**XLI. Altercation**

“Cat Grant,” hissed a slimy voice belonging to an even slimier man. He held a clove of garlic out on his gloved hand. It reeked up the air between the two of them and her nostrils flared at the scent as her skin crawled- she couldn't help it, it was a natural reaction even if she wasn't threatened in the least by all this. It was clear his intention was to torment her with the clove of garlic if she did not give him what he wanted. “We heard you run a news company and hoped you'd have some news for us on Lena Luthor. And don't try to be brave, toots. Or else we might have to-”

“She's in Mexico City right now.”

The man hadn't been expecting this and his mouth flapped open and closed as he tried to regather his thoughts and figure out where to go next. “Oh, you're not trying to hide her or anything?”

“Nope,” Cat popped the p, jingling the keys to her apartment. “I'm too tired to do this right now. So, if you'll excuse me,” and she pushed past him to get inside her house. She had no intention to deal with this moron and Lena hadn't instructed her to do anything but take care of the company.

The man gaped at her retreating back. Vampires didn't even need to sleep.

He stood with the clove of garlic in his hand, feeling dumb.

And then he left to go rally his brothers for the upcoming war.

* * *

“Oh my Rao,” Kara bemoaned when she and Lena rounded the corner to get to their hotel and found there were a group of about thirty men there. All dressed in black with pale skin. And all no doubt vampires.

Kara was tired. She'd been out babysitting Lena all day as the vampire took to exploring the museums in this city- one would think that wouldn't be a gigantic task but with Lena's natural penchant for trouble, Kara always had to be on guard- and she just wanted sleep.

“Well, well, well,” drawled one of the men. “Look who it is. The late queen Lena and her girl toy, Kara.”

Lena checked her watch, frowning. “I wasn't aware I was late. Was this scheduled or something?” She was too casual for this while Kara was freaking out on the inside. What the hell were they going to do now? Could they even take on all 30 vampires?

She knew she and Lena possessed a lot of speed and strength between the two of them but still, fighting supernaturals was never fun.

“Uh, no, it's late as in you're about to be obliterated,” he filled in.

“Oh,” Lena said flatly. “Okay.”

The leader of the vampire men turned to look at his comrade, as if he wasn't quite sure what to do with Lena's reaction. Clearing his throat, he made his stance more menacing and spoke up once more.

“Cat told us everything,” he admitted.

“That skanky bitch!” Kara hissed. She knew Cat couldn't be trusted!

“You must have tortured her!” Lena stated.

“No. Actually she told me everything as soon as she saw me.”

“Exactly, torture!”

He looked confused. “I don't get it.”

“I'm calling her having to see your face torture, cause it's so ugly,” Lena frowned. “Could you keep up with the insults? It kinda ruins the flow of this banter I'm trying to establish between heroine and villain.”

His chin quivered. “That's actually quite mean. Not all of us vamps get immortal beauty.”

Lena rolled her eyes, telling him to get on with it.

“Hey, who you calling ugly?” he said, but his voice was wavering.

“You. What you gonna do about it?”

When he didn't respond, about to break down, she rolled her eyes again. “Would you like a moment?” she asked unkindly.

“Yes,” he said and one of his buddies clamped him on the shoulder and sat him down on a rock, producing a tissue. “Here ya go boss. Don't listen to the mean lady.”

Kara gave Lena a look, the vampire waiting impatiently with hands on hips.

“That kinda was mean.” Kara stated.

“I don't need to hear it from you too,” Lena frowned giving Kara a side eyed look of reproach.

When the other man finally got his shit together, Lena and Kara drew back their shoulders, ready to face him head on.

“The throne will be mine!” he declared and bared his fangs.

Neither of them expected him to be so fast. He lunged across the space and lobbed Lena right in the nose. Instantly, Kara was pissed off. Before she could even register it, she was there, punching him away and from Lena.

Lena watched in amazement as Kara punched a vampire so hard in the face he literally shot skyward and became a black dot before winking away into nothing. Lena turned to the heavily panting blonde who looked pissed off at the vampire she had punched who had touched Lena.

Lena did not focus on the fact Kara was protective of her to elicit such extreme violence, but on something else. “Kara, are you stronger than the vampires?” she gasped.

“Um,” Kara awkwardly pushed up her glasses, cheeks flushed with anger and mortification. “Yea.”

“You've been holding out on me every time we arm wrestle!” Lena cried out in dismay.

“Seriously? You're picking this time to be upset about it?” Kara asked as another vampire went flying over head, missing her because of her quick reflexes.

“Well, when else are we going to talk about it?” Lena pointed out, elbowing a vampire in the nose with a loud crunch without even looking back at him. Her eyes were focused solely on Kara and this argument they were having. “We both know you just like to brush things under the carpet. Like that tuna casserole I made that you said you loved but you really didn't like.” A hand went lunging for her; Lena grabbed it, snapped the wrist and flung the vampire over her shoulder onto the ground before driving her heel into it's face. It screamed in pain. “I have super smell; I was smelling that thing on my carpet for weeks!”

“It was an accident! I dropped it!” Kara explained, ducking and letting another vampire roll over her before it got back up and turned on her only to get decked in the face hard enough it twisted their jaw off and caused them to fall over unconscious. “And I so do not avoid my issues. You're the one who does it! You don't even want to admit to being queen!”

“If you 'dropped' it then how the hell did it get under my carpet? It didn't just sweep itself under. And I am not avoidant of issues. The queen thing does not count!”

“Hey, can you guys at least pretend to give us some attention,” whined one of the vampires. “We're giving it everything we've got and you two are just kinda ignoring us.”

Lena and Kara both turned pissed off glares onto the five vampires there.

They were about to get their death wish. Together the woman leaped into the battle.

* * *

And true to Lena's word, once they returned back from their vacation, having successfully taken out the enemies sent for them, they found the throne waiting for Lena like an old friend. She rubbed the arm of it, smiling at it with affection like that for an old friend, and nodding her head as if she could hear it. “Haha, you sneaky minx, you.”

Okay, maybe she _could_ hear it.

But it certainly wouldn't be the weirdest thing about the woman Kara was in love with.

**XLII. Magic is....Magic**

“Pack your bags, we're leaving!” Lena announced in a sing song manner as she ripped apart the curtains, making the sunlight wake up Kara.

Kara let out a groan. She wanted to sleep. She had had a rough outing last night, fighting off some shit head criminals. They'd thought pepper spraying her would be fun. So she'd lasered their asses in return.

“Lena, no. I'm tired.” Kara mumbled this into the pillows, trying to go back to sleep.

“No discussion. Are you a monster hunter or not?”

This got Kara's attention. She sat up, bleary eyed but alert because she could smell it now- the scent of a badly brewing idea. “What?”

“Oh my god, what happened to your eyes?” Lena blanched at the sight of them. “They look like fried eggs.”

Kara closed her eyes self consciously. “Never mind that, what are you doing again?”

“We've got monsters to track down, a mystery to solve, and some skulls to crack!” Lena gave a dramatic twirl. “We're going to Hogwarts!” She announced grandly. Kara stared blankly at her.

“Hogwarts?”

Lena wilted a bit. She thought Kara would be more excited considering the prestige of such a place.

“Lena, it's not real.”

“On the contrary, it's _very_ real. And we're going to be late for the train if we don't pack.” She threw two suitcases on the bed, leather bound and looking right out of the 19th century. “Get to it. With our super speed combined we should be able to get everything in and still have enough time to have several rousing rounds of sex before we need to go.”

Kara rubbed her brow. “Lena, I can't just go with you and leave everything behind. What about work-”

Lena waved the concern off. “Cat already knows. She's gonna cover everything for us. Besides, this is your first major adventure as a newly minted monster hunter. Where is your spirit? Your sense of world saving?”

“In the trash.”

Lena tsked, like scolding a child. “Kara, don't be like this.”

“My bad. I tossed it into the recycling.” Said equally as sarcastically.

Lena frowned. “Just pack your bags. This will be good for you.”

Kara grumbled but got out of the bed. She knew in no way this could be good for. That's why she had an ultimatum. “I'll go with you on this hare brained scheme. But, I'm taking a friend.”

“That's fine. I'm taking Lex. He always did love the Harry Potter movies.” Lena began to blindly throw things into her suitcase. And was that a lamp she was putting in? Kara was about to ask but then thought better of it.

“I thought you just said Hogwarts is real. How is it a movie now?”

“Those were just recreations of the real events that happened. If you talk to real witches and wizards they'll tell you a different story. Harry Potter never existed. He was just a face for the movement and story. To be fair though, the witches were not happy to have their culture exposed by J.K. Rowling. They considered it a betrayal by their own kind. That's why they cursed her.”

“Cursed her?” The woman was damned rich. What was she cursed with?

“Yea, to say stupid things. Have you seen her Twitter?”

“Oh, that makes sense,” Kara nodded her head.

* * *

They arrived by train and Kara would be lying if the sight of the old castle with it's spiraling towers wasn't just a bit impressive. And she would be inside it's walls, solving whatever issues were needed with her monster hunter expertise.

“Alright, in order to do this case, we'll have to infiltrate the place as students,” Lena said. “We mustn't reveal who we truly are.”

“Uh, aren't we a bit too old to be students?” Alex suggested.

“Fuck you, 240 isn't old!” Lena snarled.

“It is when you're dating a 25 year old woman!” Alex chided angrily and Lena glared at her. “Kara, did you have to bring her?”

“She's my sister, so yes,” Kara stated stubbornly as Alex stuck out her tongue at winning this.

Lena humphed. “I wasn't aware emotional support dogs were allowed in Hogwarts. I just hope you potty trained her.”

Alex's hands turned into fists. “Oh, that's it!” she growled, rolling up the sleeves of her lumberjack looking flannel. “I am going to turn you into a puree!”

“Stop,” Kara warned, putting a hand on her sister's measly bicep. “Or I will put you in the doghouse.”

Alex pouted at this. “You too with the dog jokes, Kara?”

Kara rolled her eyes. “You made fun of me on the train by playing Aliens Vs Predators and asking me what was true or false. It's deeply insulting that you would think I would do that.”

“Sorry,” Alex groused out. “I hadn't meant it that way,” she rubbed the back of her hair, red cheeked.

“Now that we're done wasting time,” Lena gave Alex a pointed glare, “we need to focus on the real issue.”

“Which is what?” Maggie asked, snapping her gum and looking at the boys departing the train. She wondered which one of the older ones she could get into bed today.

“Something fishy is going on in the castle. But no one will say a word on what it is.”

“Do you think it's Voldemort?” Alex asked only for Lena to flick her on the forehead.

“Don't be dumb. He's not real.”

“Are any of the characters?” Alex asked, rubbing the hurt spot. She was annoyed at Lena but would hold back for now.

Lena was already moving on. “I know not all of us look young,” a barb thrown at Alex, naturally. “So I paid for us to get potions to make us look younger.” She opened up her trench coat, revealing on the insides, rows of colorful potions, much like a drug dealer does to kids.

“You look like a flasher enough with the coat on,” Lex said dryly while everyone but Kara looked away. “You didn't actually have to be naked underneath and flash us.”

Lena rolled her eyes, like this should be obvious. “I'm not naked. I'm wrapped in an invisibility cloak.”

“The only thing it made invisible was your dignity. Put some clothes on!” Lex hissed out.

“Shouldn't invisibility cloaks make you, you know, invisible,” Maggie pointed out helpfully.

Lena shook her head. “They only make what they cover, invisible. So, the clothes I am wearing underneath, are invisible, thus making me look naked,” she explained sagely.

“What? And how does that help you in anyway to hide?” Maggie asked.

Kara was just staring at Lena's body, not paying attention to the conversation.

“Look, ask me later, we need to focus on these potions and getting into the school,” Lena brushed the issues aside. “Take a vial and drink it. But drink only the one I tell you to. Each is tailored for your body so if you take the wrong one I have no idea what could happen to you.”

All of the group nodded their head in understanding. Lena began to list out, “Kara yours is the yellow one, Maggie you have the blue one, mine is black, Lex yours is purple and Alex yours is brown.”

“Mine looks like shit,” Alex grumbled.

“Who knows it just might be,” Lena said quickly under her breath.

Together the group uncorked the vials and drank them down. The effects were immediate. Lex shrunk and turned into an 11 year old boy, Maggie became 14 years old, Kara became 12, Lena became 17 and Alex turned into a puppy.

“Oh my Rao, Alex!” Kara gasped in shock, stooping down to pick up her sister. She glared at Lena, though the affect was ruined because she had headgear on. “Why did you make her become a dog!”

“I didn't,” Lena calmly explained, the only one left looking mature among them. Maggie was currently lamenting losing her mature frame, squishing her smaller boobs sadly. Lex ran his hand over his head; sadly it seemed his hair did not come back with his youth like he would have wanted it to.

“This must have been what she looked like when she was younger,” Lena condescendingly patted Alex on the head, the small Pomeranian yipping angrily.

Suddenly things made a lot more sense about how their family 'dog' died and then her older sister came back that day with a new dog that was never around at the same time she was.

Kara's eyes went wide. So when the family dog had been shedding, it had been Alex all along in her werewolf form. Wow. Mindfuck.

“We should be good to go. The goal is that since all of us are in different ages, we can spread out more and keep eyes and ears open per grade level. And, we have to make sure we end up in separate houses so we can get more ground too,” Lena instructed and with that they were out to the ceremony.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N; Well....it's been a while. I was supposed to take a longer break to get the creative juices flowing a 100% again, but I figured with everything going on in the world right now, we could all use some silliness right now.

**XLIII. Unspeakable Horror**

Kara ended up in Gryffindor, which figured because she was brave at heart and as Lena likes to say, 'dumb as shit' to which Kara promptly smacks her. Maggie ends up in Ravenclaw which shocks all of them. "Guess I just know a lot about sex. Enough to qualify being an expert on it," is her languid answer. Lex ends up in Slytherin because he doesn't want to be a Hufflepuff and Lena, well she doesn't get placed anywhere. Because as soon as the hat gets placed on her head, it's starts screaming it's mouth off.

"Oh my god! The horror! Burn me please. End my wretched existence, I don't want to live in a world like this anymore!"

It has to be carted away, pathetically sobbing, and the whole hall looks on in horror at Lena who just shrugs. "Um. It might have been my shampoo?" she suggests uncertainly but all it does is get a stern look from McGonagall who demands to see her in her private office.

Kara squeezes puppy Alex in worry as she waits for Lena to emerge from the office, worried that she might get expelled. Hours tick by and nothing. Not even a sound, as the walls are probably sound proofed by magic which means even with Kara's super hearing, she can't hear anything.

At the last the door opens and McGonagall strides out, bags in hands. She slams the door shut and storms off, Kara looking on in confusion. What the hell happened? She rushes into the room and finds Lena with her legs up on the headmistress's desk. She has a content smirk on her face.

"Lena, what just happened."

"I'm now the headmistress of Hogwarts."

Kara's jaw opens wide. So does puppy Alex's. "How- how the hell-?" She shakes her head. "Don't tell me she's a vampire too! Or else I'm really going to flip my shit!" Was everyone a damned vampire? Even the sweet old lady?

"Um," Lena smiled awkwardly, "She is but no, I didn't ask her for the job."

"Then how?"

Lena taps the side of her nose knowingly. "A little bit of dirt can get you anywhere."

"What did you even have on such a sweet kind old woman to make her vacate her job?"

"Let's just say she has a habit of turning into a cat. And using that to get around town," Lena says coyly.

Kara's jaw drops open again. "She was using her cat form to literally get pussy?" Kara could never unknow this. "Talk about kinky."

Lena waved it off. "But this is great, because now I have unfettered access to the school which should make weeding out the issues easier. And while I do this, the rest of you focus on your studies and look for clues on the side."

"You can't actually expect us to study!"

"I do. Or else I'm expelling you."

Kara gasped harshly while Alex growled at Lena from where she was wrapped up in Kara's arms. "You can't do that!"

"Yes, I can," Lena said solidly. "And also, as you are now a minor, young lady, I am breaking up with you because I'm not trying to catch a case."

Kara immediately started crying. "I hate you." And ran out of the room, throwing herself on the bed in despair. Alex licked the top of her head, finding to her own irritation, she's become an emotional support dog.

**XLIV. Wingardium Leviosa**

Lena sends many apology letters and notes to Kara, saying that she's sorry for doing this but that it's temporary until the case closes. That doesn't make the sting worse, though it feels nice to see Lena flustered and begging for Kara's understanding and forgiveness.

Though, Lena soon becomes too busy to spare every moment lamenting outside the girl's dormitory window, strumming on her lyre like a love lorn troubadour until one of the girls has had enough and throws a magicked shoe at her to shut her up. Lena falls into becoming actually responsible for running the school and the fact she hasn't run it into the ground by three weeks time is something to be said for. Perhaps Lena wouldn't be a bad leader, she just thinks she is and avoids such positions of power. But also, Lena has a job to do so she needs to be actually doing her role for once.

So, Kara decides to buckle down and do her job too, even if her heart is still broken from Lena's break up. She found dueling helped the ache in her heart, especially because she could take out her anger at Lena on unsuspecting students. But just because she liked to duel, didn't mean she was good at it. More often than not, she got her ass handed to her. Until one day, enough was enough, and she couldn't stand the laughter of her classmates.

That was it, no more nice Kara. She got up, her eyes glowing red. "Listen here you little shit!" she screamed out and moved so fast she was a blur until she had her sparring partner by the neck and then she breathed on him, freezing him in one solid breath.

When she was done, she stepped back and marveled at the icicle he now was. All the students were looking at her in awe. She felt embarrassed she had let her rage get this far.

"Um," she started sheepishly.

"I wanna learn wandless magic like her!" one girl shouted out and they all started clamoring for Kara's attention.

Kara soon became super popular among her Gryffindor classmates despite her not wanting the attention. They want her to help them with homework and stuff but she knows so little about this world in comparison to them that it doesn't feel right for them to adore her the way they do.

Most of the time she just smiles and waves at them and tries to avoid any groupies latching onto her so she can work on her studies and on being a convincing enough student. Kara does such a good job that it's only when she's three months into the semester that she realized that she had completely forgot about the mission. "Oh shit!" she cried out, dropping the tree she had been using to play fetch with some three headed dog she found in the Forbidden forest out back behind Hogwarts. She turned to her support dog, Alex, who was licking where her balls would be if she was a boy dog. "Alex, we totally forgot this was a job." Kara had simply been so captivated by living an actual fantasy novel series for young adults, that the days had flown by and she hadn't done anything but her homework and engaged in the classwork.

Alex barked in agreement. She too had forgot because she was so busy peeing on trees and chasing the magical squirrels here. But now that Kara had brought it up, she would help her with her task. After all, that was what big sisters were for.

The three headed dog, called Cebby by Kara as an abbreviation of Cerbus, let out a whine, unhappy to see Kara leaving. "Sorry, boy, but duty calls and I've got to solve some issues in Hogwarts. I'll come see you soon, okay?"

He nuzzled her hand, with all three heads, and then she left, Alex trotting behind her. Kara had to find the other members of the group because she had seen them sparingly over the course of the three months. Kara found Maggie in a darkened corner, making out with some Slytherin boy.

"Baby, let me slay your basilisk," Maggie husked.

"If you let me slytherin into your chamber of secrets, I'll show you it spits more than venom."

Kara pulled a face at this, disgusted, and pulled Maggie off of him.

"You are way too young to be doing this," she reprimanded and Maggie rolled her eyes in annoyance as the boy walked away, shame faced at being caught. "And honestly, I expected better from you than some bad pick up lines."

"Don't tell me puns aren't funny."

They were, but only when Kara used them, something only Kara thought.

"The both of us got side tracked. We've entirely forgot we were supposed to be finding some great evil on these school grounds."

"The mission wasn't to sleep with as many boys as I could find?" Maggie narrowed her eyes, disbelieving of Kara.

"No!" Kara gasped out. "It's to save the school and the students. And you've been doing nothing more than hoe-ing around!"

"I was interrogating them. With my lady bits. Real useful method. You can get a man to say anything if you use them right." Maggie nodded her head sagely, proud of her interrogation methods.

Kara rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Look, we just need to get back on track. I don't know about you, but despite seeing how cool this place is, I kinda wanna go back home. Lena broke up with me and it's been rough."

"Lena broke up with you?" Maggie's eyes went wide. "How could she? The two of you are so in love it makes me sick. Like actually sick. I have to take allergy medicine when I'm around you two."

"She said I was too young for her."

"Oh, yea, I can see why that might be an issue," Maggie rubbed her chin. "Lena may be a 240 year old cougar but even she has limits."

"So, help me solve the case. And then let's get out of here and you can find other 'wands' to play with. Because you're always way older than many of these boys here, so that makes you a cougar too."

"I forgot about that. Oh my god, I'm a cougar." Maggie slapped her hands to her cheeks, horrified. But Kara was tugging her away onto their mission. "We need to find Lex and then go talk to Lena wherever she is."

They searched the dungeons for Lex, only finding a couple of trolls wandering around. When they at last got to him, they found him surrounded by a group of boys and even getting a back rub from one of them as another two stood by and fanned him.

"Lex, we need your help," Kara started.

Before she could get closer to him, one of the Slytherin boys got in between her and Lex, preventing her from getting closer.

"State your name and business," he said briskly.

Kara rolled her eyes and spoke over his shoulder to Lex. "Lex, seriously, cut this shit out. It's us."

But Lex did not turn around or even acknowledge Kara. Kara rolled her eyes once more. She shouldn't be surprised that Lex was doing this. He and Lena did come from the same apple tree, though Kara normally expected him to be at least more reasonable.

Kara turned to the boy in front of her. "I am here to inquire to Lex upon a very important matter that can only be discussed between the two of us. Privately," she added loudly so the boy got the message.

"Wait here," he turned from Kara and bending over Lex's shoulder, whispered in his ear about it. They conversed in low tones and then the man returned. "Lord Lex says he doesn't have time to deal with this right now. Perhaps inquire later."

Damn it. Just what was Lex playing at? Kara huffed in irritation and grabbed Maggie so they could leave. They might need Lena's help, which Kara was loathe to ask for, because of the break up. But where would she find the vampire?

* * *

Lex had his bald head shining proudly.

Like it had been rubbed a thousand times like a good luck Buddha belly.

"What's up? Why are you being all weird?" Lena asked, stopping him in the halls as he was going towards her. She'd hadn't seen her brother in a while and he was different from the last time she saw him. For one, he was surrounded by groupies which was weird because he'd never been popular in school.

"They think I'm like, Voldemort's illegitimate and secret son because of my bald head," Lex said proudly.

"Voldemort wasn't real."

"I know, but like, the Slytherin kids of this generation don't know and they worship me. It's kinda cool. I never thought not having hair could be this powerful."

"Don't trip over your own ego," Lena rolled her eyes. But Lex's eyes were shining as he thought about something and she knew it was a lost cause. She'd let him have this. Maybe it'd be a growing experience for him. Cuz it certainly wouldn't be a growing experience for this hair.

Lex walked off arrogantly and Lena hiccuped lightly. Oh, Kara was coming down the hall. Two of her. No, only one. Two again now. Lena shook her head and looked into the goblet in her hand. Firewhiskey was strong.

"Lena, I now we're broken up, but I need your help with something. It's the mission," Kara said, looking uncomfortable talking to her ex. But that discomfit faded when she noticed something off about Lena. Taking one whiff she knew what it was.

"Lena, you're headmistress! You can't be piss face drunk in the middle of the day!" Kara reprimanded, glowering at her ex-fiance. Lena began to walk off; Karra followed her.

"I'm headmistress, I can do whatever I want!" Lena slurred drunkenly before spotting someone down the halls and going up the stairs. It was a student who happened to be half giant and half human, lending him a really tall stature. "Oi, you. Wait!" Lena hurried over to him, before harassing him, half empty goblet in her hand sloshing around.

"What is it?" he asked gruffly, annoyed at being stopped before he went to class, which would probably make him late.

"How's the weather up there?" she asked rudely.

A second later a glop of spit hit her cheek. "Looks like rain." And then the giant lumbered off.

Lena thinned her lips and inhaled deeply. "I suppose I deserve that."

"Lena, seriously," Kara came up to her as Lena wiped the glob away. "You need to get your shit together. Or else when are we leaving this place?"

Lena gasped. "Did you just cuss at the headmistress?"

"Uh-"

"Detention, young lady!" she shrilled out and then span on her heel, falling right off a moving staircase. Kara winced at the loud snap. She looked down, puppy Alex yipping in her arms before panting in laughter as Kara called down. "Lena, are you okay?"

Lena was laying at a weird angle on the ground below. "You dare address the headmistress, by her first name? Another detention!" she shrilled out and Kara rolled her eyes. Lena was taking this role too seriously. Something Kara never thought possible.


	18. Chapter 18

**XLV. Detention**

"Miss Danvers, so glad you could make it," Lena said grandly as she sat behind her office desk, smirking.

Kara frowned at her. She'd been summoned to the Headmistress's office. "You gave me detention, so I have to be here."

"Of course," Lena purred and leaned closer, so the fact she had unbuttoned her shirt really low could catch Kara's eyes. Kara averted her gaze. She was mad at Lena for giving her detention. Unless it was a ruse to disseminate knowledge? Kara down at the desk. "So, I'm here, what do you want me to do? How are you going to punish me?"

"Punish...funny you should say that word," Lena stated coyly and Kara blinked confusedly. Why was Lena acting so weird. She got up from behind the desk and Kara saw Lena's long legs were exposed because she was wearing an obscenely tight skirt. Kara hungrily followed as Lena circled around and sat on the lip of the desk in front of Kara, crossing her legs slowly so Kara could see Lena wasn't wearing any underwear.

Kara's face flushed. "Um?" she squeaked out.

"I was thinking long and hard about your punishment, Kara. About the way you...cursed with that filthy mouth of yours," Lena said slowly, blue eyes lidded. She was smacking a ruler into her hand. Each smack against her palm made shivers run down Kara's back. "I was thinking I should also do something about the way you used my name so familiarly. I have to admit, I did like hearing it fall from your lips. Maybe...maybe I could hear you say it again?" At this Lena slid off the desk and onto Kara.

Kara stiffened up, suddenly realizing what was happening.

"Lena, you can't break up with me and then try to seduce me during detention!" Kara cried out, flustered and annoyed because she was turned on but angry.

Lena sighed, and crossed her arms over her chest from where she was sitting, straddling Kara's lap. "Can you let me just do this roleplay teacher student fantasy thing?"

"I'm like 12! I know you're not a pervert, so stop it!"

Lena rolled her eyes. "I thought you'd be happy. You always said you wanted to try this roleplay." She got up, tugging down her skirt.

"Yes, but like, as a pretend student. Not a real one!"

"So, you get off on being fake?" Lena poised and Kara nodded her head before she realized the other potential meaning of this. "Hey, not that kind of fake! Look," she got up, slapping her hands on Lena's desk and glaring Lena down who was already sitting back down, hands folded. "We need to finish this case because I want to go home. Unfortunately none of us have our shit together. Alex is a dog so she can't do anything, I got to evolved in my classes and Maggie was too busy sleeping around. Lex is...being Lex and you just get drunk each morning."

Lena spread her hands out. "Don't worry, I've got this under control. Within a week, we'll be back to National City, sleeping in our beds in our normal bodies."

"You promise?" Kara asked hopefully.

"When have I ever broken a promise?"

"I have a list. It's alphabetized."

Lena's smirk dropped a bit. "It was a rhetorical question."

"Just," Kara leaned back with a sigh. "Don't fuck this up."

**XLVI. Some New House Rules**

"Alright, listen here you no good worthless sacks of shit," Lena started, hands on her hips. "I'm the new headmistress, so things are going to change around here. Starting with the staff."

"You can't talk to us like this! McGonagall would never treat us-"

Lena slammed her hands on the table. "She's not here anymore, because the little cat did somethings she shouldn't. I'm the head boss in charge and you're all going to listen to me." She glared them down but they didn't interrupt her anymore. Clearing her throat, she continued.

"Some of you have been coasting in this job, doing the minimum effort. No longer! I only want the top education for my students, so I'm going replace those of you no longer needed here."

The professors looked among themselves, worried.

"Binns, you're out!" Lena jerked a thumb at the door. "You're a hooting ghost and we don't need you scaring kids."

He furrowed his brow. "I'm a ghost?" he looked at his body, seeing the transparency of it. "I'm a bloody ghost!" he howled out, shocked by this and screaming, zipped through the wail, wailing his horror.

"He didn't know he was dead?" Lena shook her head. "Even I know I am and I don't even look it."

"No, but you smell it," muttered out Snape under his breath.

Lena pulled out her wand and held it to his throat super fast. "What was that, slimeball?" she growled.

He smartly didn't say anything, so she pulled back her wand after they finished their stare down. "Now, I've taken the liberty of using our huge budget to hire a real professor. A real man of the arts whose magic knows no bounds!" She stepped back and held out her hands. A man strode into the room, waving.

"Chris Angel is going to teach kids DADA from now on," she stated.

"But he's not even a real wizard! He's a magician!" Professor Sprout shrilled.

Before Lena could defend him, Chris Angel was striding over to the professor. "Could a magician do this?" and pulled a coin out of her ear. Lena gasped in shock; no one else was impressed. "Wow, how does he keep finding these coins. He must be rich!"

"Yes, that's the only type of cheap tricks they can do!" was the retort from Sprout. "I can make coins from thin air if I so wanted to."

"You're all idiots and can't appreciate his simple genius," Lena scoffed. "Meeting adjourned. Come on Chris Angel, let's leave these nerds behind." Lena turned her back on them and Chris levitated out of the room. "Wow, you can levitate, so cool!" she fangirled.

"He's using wires!" Snape snapped out but Lena ignored him. He sighed. "For a vampire, she's blind as a bat."

"Well at least she forgot to fire the rest of us," stated another professor.

Lena strode back into the room. "Oh by the way. The rest of you are all fired. Peace, witches!" And she strode back out.

**XLVII. More New Rules**

"As your new headmistress, I declare a change in rules. We will have a no holds barred fight to the death!" Lena announced in the Great Hall and within seconds, a food fight broke out. Kara ducked down as pumpkin pie went flying over her head. She'd been eating!

But moreover, she was wondering what the heck Lena was up to? Why was she causing a full out fight to happen? Kara slid onto her belly and began to crawl over to where Lena was standing, watching the chaos unfurl with hands on hips. Kara moved past food and some bodies on the floor. "Help me," a student with cherry filling leaking out of their stomach reached out for her and she screamed and grabbing a nearby fork, stabbed his hand to keep him away from her.

Then she continued on. Alex was taking this time to eat the scraps of food because she was tired of dog food. Maggie was getting creamed, and no, not with a pie, if the guy with her had anything to do with it. Lex was retreating, his minions surrounding him in a circle and taking food to the face or body to protect him. "Save our lord!" they cried out as they made way to the doorway.

Eventually Kara got to where Lena was and brushed the crumbs off of the front of her shirt as she talked to her ex- fiance. "Lena what the hell are you doing? I thought you said you would fix this? Get us back home?"

"I am," Lena said confidently. "This mess is meant to draw the villain out."

Kara failed to see the logic in that. "How?"

Lena winked. "Just leave it up to me."

* * *

"Well," Lena said proudly, dusting off her hands and placing them on her hips. "We did what we came here to do."

Kara looked at the flaming school in front of them as screams rang out in the hills. Her eyes twitched. "We came to destroy?!"

"The school was evil," Lena said with a nod of her head. "Dumbledore's evil soul had inhabited it and was using the structure as a way to spy on kids in the showers."

Kara's face took on a lot of intense perplextion. "But he's the good guy. He can't be a pervert."

"Down right shame what happened to him after death," Lena said with a shake of her head. "But don't worry, I'll have the place rebuilt as good as new with the help of some witch magic." She angled her fingers and looked through them, already imagining how she would fix this place up. "I have a particular image in mind."

* * *

"I can't believe you made Hogwarts into an office building," Kara said flatly, looking at the tall spire that shot up into the air and was hidden by the clouds.

"It was due for an upgrade."

Kara was going to argue this and then thought better of it. "You know what, I think I'm ready to leave and have my normal body back. I'm sure National City misses us."

"I do admit I miss it, and our apartment. I also missed you."

Kara glowered at her. "You had me and broke up with me."

"Only because your body is 12 right now and I am not trying to catch a court case for being with you. Besides, doesn't distance make the heart grow fonder?" Lena batted her eyes down at Kara who rolled her own set.

"Just take us home, Lena."

"Gladly. Hogwarts may have real magic, but nothing can beat the magic of our love story," Lena said cheesily and Kara pushed her in the shoulder for that sappy line but was blushing heavily at it. Despite all of Lena's nonsense, she had a heart of gold inside that knew exactly how to make Kara feel loved.

**Omake: The Cursed Child**

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Lena growled out, super annoyed.

"What, what is it now?" Kara asked from the bathroom where she was using her laser beams to remove her leg hair. Much more effective than shaving. She didn't know how humans could bear to do it and cut themselves many times.

Lena stormed in with a book clutched in her hand. "J.K. Rowling made another damned book!"

Kara read the title. "Lena, that's a script technically and it's been out for years now."

"That's what she wants you to think!" Lena stated. "But this story is about Lex!"

Kara blinked slowly, not understanding her fiance's faulty logic. "How?"

"The child of Voldemort? Everyone at school seemed to think he was one, and then J. K. Rowling goes and writes something about a child of Voldemort being all evil and shit."

"Except Lex isn't mentioned in the book. And the child is a girl." Kara pointed out logically.

"She changed a few things, but I know it's about Lex! And then she used magic to make muggles think that this book has been out for years now when it hasn't."

Honestly, Lena sounded delusional right now but who was Kara to correct her. She was done with this magic tripe.

Lena shook her head. "How the hell did J.K. Even get this info..." she trailed off, tapping a finger to her chin before her eyes lit up. "That sneaky bitch was Rita Skeeter all along! That's how come she got those interviews so easily!" And then Lena rushed off, probably to find Rita Skeeter.

Kara just shook her head and turned back to lasering those stubborn hairs into ash.


	19. Chapter 19

**XLVIII. Not a Fan**

"Lena reverted into her 1850s self," Lex explained with mild concern.

"How?" Kara asked as she watched Lena who was wearing a old timey dress, holding a fan in her hand and fluttering it, her hair done up in a bun.

"The witches must have done something because Lena pissed them off," Lex explained sagely. "We just need to find out what. For the time being, stay with her and don't let her get in trouble."

"That's easier said than done. Does she even know who we are?" Kara said, hands on hips.

"Maybe?" Lex shrugged.

"Why, what is a pretty young lady like you doing wearing men's clothing?" Lena asked as she strode nearer to Kara.

"Uh, this is what people- women- wear in this day and age," Kara said, gulping when she saw the rakish look Lena gave her.

"It must be very uncomfortable," Lena stated coyly and snapped her fan closed, doing some elaborate sort of motion with it that Kara had no idea what it meant. "You might be more comfortable in something else."

"Uh, what is she doing?" Kara asked Lex from the side of her mouth as she watched Lena embarrass herself.

"Hm, I seem to recall back in the day women used to communicate with their fans like it was a secret code or something," he rubbed his chin. "I don't remember what the motions mean though."

"Is she...is she flirting with me?" Kara asked, because Lena had used _that_ tone of voice. And also, because she had snapped her fan open and was full on making out with her fan now. It was very obscene and she moaned a lot.

Lex rubbed his chin harder. If he did that anymore, he'd begin to lose his beard hairs.

"No, I don't think so..." he squinted harder at her like she was some math algorithm to figure out.

Lena had finished making out with her fan and was winking at Kara now awkwardly while she lowered the fan and began to slowly insert it inside her-

"Oh my god," Kara's face paled as she was torn between lust and shock. "I didn't even know one could fit a whole fan there!" She could not stop looking if she tried.

"I still don't know what she's trying to say. Maybe she's hungry?" Lex suggested unhelpfully.

"I um...well um, I think I know what she means," Kara gulped as Lena smiled at her.

"I'm so happy we're on the same page," she held out her arm expectantly. "Escort me?" she asked.

Kara didn't have to be told twice. She took the arm and left, hurrying to the bedroom.

"Oh I know!" Lex exclaimed to the room. "She needs some milk!" But they were already gone.

* * *

"Okay, on a more serious note, how do we turn Lena back to her modern self?" Kara asked as redid her buttons on her shirt.

"There are different types of spells witches do. Curses, hexes, jinks, and then nice spells. We'll need to visit a specialist to tell us what type it is. And how long it will last," Lex stated sagely as Lena sat down on an armchair and stared dramatically out the window as she fanned herself. She looked put together while Kara was struggling to tame her messy hair.

"Why would a witch want to hurt her?" Kara barely blinked at the fact that they were now dealing with witches.

"Why wouldn't one want to hex her? Honestly, she's been a dick to them."

"Who hasn't she been a dick to?" Kara admitted. "But what level of asshole was she to warrant a hex to revert her mind?"

"I don't know. Magical folk are very fickle. One time I didn't say bless you when a wizard sneezed and he turned my nose into an elephant trunk." Lex shook his head at those memories. "Anyways, once one is hexed by a witch, it's best to ask them for forgiveness or buy a reversal spell from another witch. It's not that hard."

"So let's go do that," Kara said.

* * *

"Hello, and welcome to my shoppe!" An exuberant young man stated as Lex and Kara came in with a closely held Lena. Lena had decided she wanted to pet the 'metal animals' on the road and Kara had to save her from being run over by several cars in the middle of a highway.

Which was something made immensely harder when Kara couldn't reveal her superhero status to Lena without freaking her out more.

"Hello, young wizard. We require your help-" Lex started but was cut off.

"I'm actually a witch," the young witch said. "Winn, the witch." And he waved his wand over his head and in a shower of sparkles Winn the Witch read out.

Kara got a better look at him. He was wearing a crop top, with a short cape barely reaching his shoulder blades and had a little witch hat clipped on. "Alright, well nice to met you," Kara remembered to be nice or else she could get hexed too. "We have a bit of a problem here. Our friend has been cursed by a witch or wizard."

"Do you know who?" Winn asked.

"Uh, not really and she can't remember who it was," Kara indicated at Lena who was marveling over the TV playing in the witch shop.

"That could make it a bit trickier to reverse the spell but it can still be fixed. So don't worry."

They brought Lena over to him as he waved his wand over her and frowned at the squiggles that erupted, hovering over her form before vanishing.

"It seems to be some sort of memory spell that wiped away a couple decades from her. I wonder what she did to piss someone off to this extent. Memory spells are tricky. And require a lot of energy to cast."

"How long will it take to fix it?" Lex inquired.

"All I have to do is give her a potion. Luckily the one we need is brewed," Winn stated. "Follow me to the back room."

They did so, Lena marveling at everything. Kara wondered if this was the Lena who was before she gained her immortality. She sure seemed to have her strength, Kara's tongue was still sore, but Lena didn't seem to know she did.

Winn squinted at the potions in back, finding the labels blurry. He took one that looked right and then handed it to Lena. "Here, drink this and you'll feel better."

"I honestly feel good already. I don't know why you all insist something is wrong with me," she scowled but plucked the potion up. "I do however, never say no to free liquor."

None of them were going to tell her it wasn't, otherwise she wouldn't drink it. She downed it in one go and they watched to see if it had any affect.

Suddenly she dropped to the floor and started screaming. "Oh my god. They're coming for me?"

"Who?" Kara dropped to her knees, worried for her girlfriend.

"The aliens! They've come to take me away because they want to probe me!"

Kara's eyes widened and so did Lex's. "Those aren't Lena's memories! She wasn't some sort of traumatized alien believer!" Although to be fair, Kara did 'probe' Lena on a fairly regular basis.

"Oops," Winn said nonplussed. "I must have given her the 'memory revival of an area 51 survivor.' You could say my guess was wildly out of this world." When Lex and Kara did not laugh at his joke he frowned. "Wow, okay. Tough crowd. Let me look for another potion," he said and began to dig through them before blindly grabbing and handing Lena another one. Lena gulped this one down without hesitation either.

Immediately she started barking.

"Hm, this one seems like its 'memory of a Golden Retriever who is horny and wants to hump everything.' "

"So find the right one," Kara grumbled as Lena humped her leg, tongue happily sticking out her mouth as she did so. Was it weird that this was turning Kara on?

Winn grabbed another one but this time Lex stopped him, taking it from his hand. "Oo, feisty. You already trying to make a move on me, naughty," he flirted, slapping Lex on the butt with his wand.

Lex jolted up at the touch and frowned at what he saw on the bottle. "Why are these potions all so specific? And why do you keep picking the wrong ones?"

"Well, like I said, spells like these can be tricky. And I don't have my glasses on, but I don't want to wear them because I don't look cute in them."

"Just put them on!" Kara insisted, cheeks pink from arousal. "Because if you don't I'm gonna start humping Lena back and I don't think either of you want to see that."

"Ew, no. I'm like, super gay." Winn scowled. "And I don't do pussy unless it's a cat."

"Just get your glasses," Lex ordered because he very much did not want to see his sister fornicating as a dog with an alien pretending to be a human.

"Fine," Winn pouted and moved to get them. When he came back they both stifled some laughs because the glasses really were terrible on him. Thick black rims and the lenses so strong his eyes were as big as fishbowls. But, he was able to find the right potion.

"Here, 'memory of a anemic goth bat woman from the 1850s'," and handed it to them. Kara gave it to Lena who gulped it down and suddenly she was back to her own self. She looked around in confusion. "What am I doing humping your leg, Kara, while it's got clothes on?" Lena asked, getting up. "And why am I dressed like my grandmother?"

"You lost your memories. Some witch took them away," Lex explained quickly. "But we're happy you're back."

"Can you remember everything?" Kara asked in concern.

Lena smiled at her softly. "Of course I remember everything. And I'm so happy to have you." They shared a kiss which made Winn gag.

"Anyways, all's well. I'll take my fee now," he held out his hand and Lex pulled out a wad of bills to pay him. Only issue, was that Winn's hand was facing palm down.

"Oh, honey," Winn started, fluttering his eyes. "The only payments I accept are dates with hot single men."

"Uh..." suddenly Lex was very flustered. "I'm not even-"

"My gaydar doesn't lie. And I have an actual one," Winn gestured to the necklace around his neck, made of conch shells, which was glowing a blue now that they looked. "And it's been screaming at me. All of you are so gay."

"I'm not entirely gay," Lena argued. "I like, had a friend that was a guy once."

"Come on, Lex. Just do the date for your sister," Kara urged.

"I can't believe you're pimping me out," Lex grumbled but looked to be caving in.

To sweeten the deal, the witch knew just what to say.

"I think you're so brave for choosing to do the bald look in this day and era," Winn said.

Lena snickered and under her breath said to Kara, "more like the bald look chose him."

"Alright, we have a date," Lex agreed more readily and took Winn's hand and kissed the back of it.

**XLIX. Oops...**

It had been two days since Lena lost and regained her memories and they were trying to figure out who had cast it on her.

"Honestly, I don't know," Lena said, lounging on the couch and tossing an apple up and down. "It was kind of dark. And wet."

Kara made a long face. "Ew, where were you?"

"I think I was inside a whale."

"Why were you inside a whale!" Kara shrieked, freaking out over this.

"A better question is, why weren't you inside a whale?" Lena stated. "I heard being inside one's mouth has great stress relieving properties."

Kara would argue that being trapped inside a whale had great stress fulfilling properties but she had learned that such arguments were pointless with Lena. "And it turned out the whale I had booked for my spa day had a bunch of witches there too. I made a joke about witches and one of them might have gotten pissed off. The point is, the spell has been cured, so there's no problem and no point in looking for them."

Honestly, Kara was more intrigued by the whale story now. Witches took spa day's there? Maybe that was why their skin was so smooth.

Kara wondered where she could find a whale like that.

"Also, Kara, I've been meaning to ask this, why do we have bags of blood in our fridge?" Lena said.

Kara scowled. "Lena, what-"

"Like look," Lena sat up, placing the apple down. "I know people have various fetishes but I don't think drinking human blood is good for you. Unless it's like an alien thing. Do the people of your kind drink blood?"

Kara was confused. "Lena, those aren't my bags of blood. Those are yours."

"Mine?" Lena blinked. "Why would I have that?"

"Because you're a vampire," Kara said slowly. "Are you trying to mess with me right now, because it's not funny. I already had a scare with losing you forever and I don't need these kinds of jokes right now."

Lena smiled. "Of course I'm messing with you. Haha, how could I forget that was my blood. Mhm, I love blood." She got up from the couch and opened one up and began slurping it up to prove how much she liked it. "Yummy. Now, I'm gonna go out and do vampire things." She dropped the rest of the blood in the fridge and zoomed out, Kara watching her with a furrow in her brow.

That was...weird. And comparing all the weird things Lena did, it was saying something.

Outside the apartment door, Lena's dead heart would have been pounding if it could. She had forgotten she was a vampire.


	20. Chapter 20

**L. I'm Doing Bloody Well, Fangs for Asking**

Lena let out a groan, followed swiftly by a super sonic burp that rocketed Kara from where she had been taking a nap on the couch after a tiring day of supering. "Lena, what the fuck?" Kara couldn't help but blurt out when she saw the rotund shape on the floor by the fridge door. It was Lena, legs and arms up, looking very much like a bug on her back.

A very round bug. Her clothes were straining at the seams to contain her and Kara rubbed her eyes thinking maybe she was still sleeping but no, she wasn't.

"Um, hi," Lena squeaked out, a bit abashed. "Mind giving me a hand up?"

Kara got out of her seat to help her fiancee, and pulled her up into a sitting position. "Seriously, Lena who did this to you? Was it another witch?"

Lena shook her head, cheeks jiggling. "No, I might have drank too much blood."

Kara's eyes got wider. "How much did you drink?"

"The whole fridge," Lena admitted shamefully.

"Why would you do that?" Kara half admonished.

"I wanted to see how much I could drink. Turns out it was a bad idea; I've swollen up like a tick," Lena admitted. "And this has entirely nothing to do about the fact I forgot I was a vampire and am now trying to figure out my limits."

Kara blinked because the last part had been said superhuman fast. "What?"

"Nothing. Just help me deflate."

Kara paled at this. "How am I going to do that?"

Lena shrugged, which caused a full body jiggle. "Poke me like a Caprisun."

"Lena there is no way I am doing that," Kara stated, hands on hips and disgusted with the idea of blood everywhere in her apartment.

"You don't have trouble poking me other times," Lena said with a small scowl. She couldn't scowl any further. All the blood got in the way. She felt like a blister right now.

"Yes, but those are in the sexual ways. This isn't sexual."

"It could be," Lena batted her eyes.

"Strictly, no," Kara declared. "I don't have a blood kink. You do."

"Well, yea. I'm a vampire," Lena rolled her eyes like this should be obvious. "And you definitely don't mind during your period, do you."

"I'm calling Lex," Kara stated, putting this conversation to an end. She went and got her phone and rang him. She came back from her conversation with him in the next door room. "He said he'll be here pretty soon."

Lena snorted. "I don't see how _he's_ going to help me."

"He said he knows a vampire, just thirsty to help you out."

Lena's eyes flashed open as she got what Lex meant. "Oh hell no," she panicked and tried to run away. She only succeeded in rolling over and in a circle. Kara watched, amused. "Kara you can't let them do this to me," she whispered in fear.

Kara frowned. "Why-?"

But the door bell rang and Lena looked at it frightened before looking back at Kara. It was too late. They were already here.

**LI. She Who Shall not Be Named**

Kara opened the door and saw Lex and a woman on the other side. "Hi Lex. And hi..."

"Nia," filled in the woman, speaking with a faint Finnish accent. She had short brown chin length hair and her eyes were red. She must be the vampire Lex had mentioned. He clamped a hand on Nia's shoulder. "Nia's kinda like a pharmacist for us vamps. She deals with drugs and gives us advice on smaller health concerns not large enough to warrant a doctor's visit."

"Helpful," Nia said with a toothy grin, "especially since Lena hates the doctor. May I come in?" Kara stepped aside to let her in. Kara whispered to Lex, "I thought vampires couldn't do drugs or alcohol cause it had no affect on them?"

"It only works if they do it in mass doses. But she makes vampire drugs. Strong stuff." He went in too. Kara frowned, not sure how as a superhero and part time monster hunter she felt about this Nia. Should she arrest her for making drugs? But she followed in and closed the door when she heard Lena beginning to talk.

"Oh...hi again," Lena gave a shaky smile as Nia looked down at her.

Nia smiled, not a nice smile. "Oh, you've been a naughty girl have you," she cooed in a low voice.

Lena swallowed. "Um, yes?" she squeaked out as Nia set down her bag and began to take things out of it.

Kara wondered why Lena was so afraid of Nia. Was it doctor related? But as Nia began to take out her tools, Kara understood Lena's fear more. A drill, a laser cutter, several hammers, large tubes, and a chainsaw were taken out of her bag, along with several black plastic bags to spread out to catch the blood.

"Um...will that really help her?" Kara asked, in concern.

"Nia knows what she's doing," Lex assured.

"If you two don't mind, I need space to do this." Nia stood up, tugging on some latex gloves and snapping them. She had googles on her face. "It's about to get messy."

Without another word Kara and Lex left the apartment, standing outside the door.

A loud whirring sound started, followed by screaming, maniacal laughter, and several bone rattling shakes of the apartment. Lex scrolled lazily down his Kritter feed, a bad underworld knock off of Twitter, and Kara glared at him. "Are you sure Lena's fine? She sounds to be in pain?"

"She'll be fine. Nia knows what she's doing."

"Right," but Kara swallowed nervously and wasn't sure.

An hour later Nia called out for them to come in and the two entered, the air smelling thickly of pennies yet there was not a drop of blood splattered. Lena was standing in the middle of the room, her previous outfit hanging loosely on her due to the sudden weight loss as Nia was kneeling down, bloodied gloves on as she packed away her tools.

"Lena, how are you?" Kara asked, wanting to hug the vampire to her but afraid to do so least she hurt her.

"I feel better, and look better obviously, but there is this pain in my back..." Lena mumbled, rubbing the sore spot. This had not been a fun experience.

"Oh, that's because I stole both your kidneys to sell on the black market," Nia said casually, holding one of Lena's said kidney's in her hand.

"You bitch-!" Lena growled out in shock as Nia smiled.

"Consider this payment." And then she was gone in a blast of cold air.

Kara stood their slack jawed. "She really just stole your kidneys like that, didn't she?"

**LII. Save that Meat!**

"This is all your faults!" Lena declared angrily once the shock had worn away. "I told you not to bring her here! You didn't listen!"

"If you had told me why..." Kara stated, not willing this to be all on her.

"Hm, this suddenly explains why she was so eager to help you out when I asked for help on the Internet." Lex rubbed his chin. 

"You got me a crackpot doctor?" Lena exclaimed, angrily.

"She's a pharmacist," Lex corrected. "And she normally sells drugs."

"That's even worse," Lena growled.

"Calm down, we'll go find your kidneys," Kara assured. "I'll use my superhero and monster hunter resources and get some help."

"I don't see why we can't just make Lena new kidney's," Lex stated, holding up a can of food. "Humans even have these tiny Kidney beans. They must replenish kid-"

"Lex," Lena put a heavy hand on his shoulder, giving him a sweet smile that didn't belie the danger in her eyes. "If you weren't my brother I would have ended you on the spot just for that comment alone."

"Uh, so no beans, I'm guessing," and slowly lowered the can to the counter.

* * *

"When you said resources, I thought you meant something that could actually be useful," Lena said dryly. "This, isn't useful."

Kara gasped. "Lena, don't be rude. Maggie is a person and not a thing."

Lena grumbled. "She's useless! How is she going to track down Nia for us? All Maggie cares about is dick."

"And sometimes pussy," Maggie added to which there was only silence. She shrugged, "I'm expanding my repertoire."

"Well the only other person I know I could ask is Alex," Kara offered.

"Out of the question. I will not have a wolf sniffing after my meat," Lena said. "She could eat it by accident."

"Don't be ridiculous. Alex would never do that," Kara defended.

"Just leave things up to me," Maggie assured. "I'll have your meat back within 12 hours, and 53 minutes."

"That's oddly specific," Lex commented.

Maggie tapped her phone. "I'm huge on social media. I know everything about everyone." She gave Lex a look. "You really should not be visiting those websites."

Lena and Kara looked at him.

He did not meet their eyes, finding the wall in front of him interesting. Maggie waved goodbye and left with a small bounce to her step.

"So...little brother," Lena started threateningly, cracking her knuckles. "What are those websites?"

Lex began to sweat.


	21. Chapter 21

**LIII. Dick in a Box**

"Found what you wanted," Maggie announced as she strode into Lena's apartment. She had a ratty box under her arms and she set it down proudly in front of Lena who opened the lid to make sure both were there. Her expectant smile nose dived when she saw what it was. Kara and Lex both peered in too, confused and disgusted.

"Maggie, what is this?" Lena asked slowly.

"Your meat," Maggie said proudly. "Got it for a good price too. The guy was surprisingly willing to give it up for one blow job and two hundred dollars."

Lena tried not to explode. "Maggie, this is not what I meant by meat."

Maggie's face lit up in understanding. "Ohhhhh," she sucked in a breath. "So you and Kara weren't looking to spice up your sex life by having Lena order a fresh human dick that would match her complexion and attach it to her?"

"NO!" everyone screamed in unison.

"Well," Maggie said, taking the box and placing the lid on it. "I'll be taking this back if no one wants it." She made direct eye contact with Lena. "And to be clear, I will be thinking of you when using this." She patted the box.

"Just get out!" Kara screamed at her, startling Lena with the vitriol in her voice. Maggie left, slamming the door shut. "What?" Kara demanded when they looked at her in shock. "No one thinks of you in bed but me." Narrowing her eyes, she pointed at Lena. "Not even you have permission to do so."

"But I'm _me_," Lena whined.

"No," Kara said steely and the discussion was ended there.

"Why is Alex here?"

"I called her to ask for some help," Kara said, as she pet Alex's head, her short brownish hair surprisingly soft. "I needed emotional support."

"I'm your emotional support!" Lena protested. "Besides, I should be the one needing stability since it's _my_ body that was stolen from!"

"Yea, but I can pet her. You just hiss at me like a cat and bite me when I try to pet your head."

"Because it's demeaning," Lena protested.

"It's still demeaning for me," Alex said, "but ever since I was turned into a support dog during our Hogwarts adventure, I can't help but allow Kara to pet me."

Kara gave a hurt look. "I didn't know you hated this."

"I...I guess it's fine," Alex admitted, snuggling deeper into Kara's lap. "Because it helps you and you're my sister."

Lena gagged at this sisterly display. "Just don't shed on my couch. And the leash is by the door; Kara do make sure she goes on walks so she doesn't pee on the floor."

Alex snarled and got off the couch super fast. Lena stuck out her tongue and they began to chase each other around the apartment with super speed, knocking down a lamp and a book case. Kara sighed in annoyance and took out a squeaky toy from her pocket and squeaked it. Immediately Alex's ears perked up and Kara waved it at her. "You want the toy? Yes, you want the toy?" Kara said in baby talk as Alex wagged her imaginary tail in her half crouched position and ran after it as Kara threw it behind the couch and into the dining room. Alex dove after it.

Lex got a text message that he announced to the rest of the group. "Okay, actual good news. My subjects have located the package in Nia's secret warehouse. They're bringing it back now."

"Thank fucking goodness," Lena said and collapsed on the couch next to Kara. Soon, things would be back to normal.

**LIV. Ever Try Raw Kidney Before?**

By the time the package came, Alex and Kara were fast asleep, Alex on the couch and Kara in the bed. Only Lex and Lena had stayed up, watching the night sky. Her kidneys were delivered in a blue plastic cooler which she set on the kitchen counter top. They would be going to the doctor's tomorrow. Now that they were securely here, there was no emergency to rush over. Lena was already undead anyways; it's not like she was using her kidneys or any of her other organs.

"I set up an appointment for you," Lex stated. "I'll see you there tomorrow morning."

"Right. Good night." Lena said and when he left she crawled into bed with Kara. She found she couldn't sleep well, tossing and turning. It was because of this she heard Alex shuffling around on the couch and the pad of her bare feet as she mumbled, "man, I'm hungry. Time for a late night snack."

Lena sat straight up. She shook Kara awake.

"Huh?" the blonde snorted, waking up.

"Kara get up," Lena said and slipped out of bed, Kara reluctantly but dutifully following her fiancee.

Alex was snarfing down some meat, loudly. Lena turned on the lights and Alex turned around guiltily with half a kidney in her mouth.

"Oh my god! She's eating my kidneys!" Lena screeched out in an 'I knew it' manner.

"Yours?" Alex rolled her eyes, mouth still full of raw meat. "You left them lying around in an unattended cooler. Finders keepers."

"No, Alex," Kara said slowly, and began to walk towards her sister, like one does to a wild animal so as not to startle them too badly. "Those are Lena's actual kidneys. She got robbed and they're in the cooler on ice so we can put them back inside her."

Alex froze. Slowly, she took out the bitten up kidney in her mouth. Looked at Kara in horror, then Lena, then at the kidney in her hand, oozing blood. She dropped it to the floor. "Oh," was all she said weakly before she threw up.

* * *

"I'm sooo sorry, Lena," Kara said softly. Lena was hugging the cooler to her chest, visibly upset as they sat in the backseat of a car Lex was driving.

"Oh, are you?" she asked nastily, not looking at Kara. "At least your kidneys haven't been stolen, chewed on, and then puked on!"

Kara winced. "I, um cleaned them off, though."

Lena glared at her. "With pledge? That's for furniture, Kara! Furniture!"

Kara decided it was best to give up. Lena was upset and she had a right to be. Luckily, they were driving to a vampire doctor, an actual one, so he could fix Lena up.

And then, they could go back to a happy life.

Lena was too pissed off to be scared about the doctor this time, so she just strode in without question when the female doctor greeted them.

"Lena is in capable hands. Just trust me," the doctor said, only her eyes visible past her blue scrubs. She rubbed her hands together. Then, she closed the doors as Lex and Kara waited. Kara was worried over Lena. Would she be okay?

Something did not sit right with Kara about this whole thing.

"Wait a second," Kara's head jerked up, causing Lex to look up from his Instagrim account. "How did that woman know Lena's name? We didn't tell her."

"It's on the record form when we signed her in," Lex said.

"Right," Kara said sitting down. But something still felt off to her and she wasn't going to ignore it this time. Following her gut, she used her super speed to get into the operating room where Lena was. And found the doctor wrist deep in Lena's chest.

Kara gasped loudly. "What are you doing?" She was sure kidney didn't go into the chest. She may be an alien but at least she knew that much about the human body.

The doctor jumped and jerked her hands out guiltily. "Lena had a slight heart issue. It wasn't beating."

"Of course it's not. She's a vampire! Are you even a real doctor?"

"Oh um, no I am. Look at my certificates." She waved to the fake diplomas on the wall.

Kara narrowed her eyes, not convinced. She rounded the table to where Lena was laying on the slab, tied down and a gag in her mouth.

"You shouldn't be interrupting the surgery..." the doctor said. But Kara pulled the gag out of Lena's mouth, the woman clearly needing to say something. When she could speak once more, she began yelling. "Kara, it's fucking Nia again! Get her out of me!"

Nia gasped and bolted to get out of the room but Kara was faster this time. Using her laser vision she melded the double doors together. Nia stopped before being able to cross them. She gasped at Kara.

"What wonderful kind of specimen are you?" she cooed, eyes flashing with money signs.

"The kind that's about to whoop your ass for messing with Lena!" Kara said angrily and Nia sensed she was in real danger now.

"Shit," she cursed under her breath.

* * *

"All's well that ends well," Kara determined as they watched a singed ten ways to Sunday, Nia be taken away by the police. Lena was wearing a blanket around her shoulders, gauze covering the hole in her chest cavity. It helped hide her heart, which was resealing due to vampire healing.

"I'm sorry we couldn't give you your kidneys back," Lex said, standing by his sisters side as she held the cooler with melted ice and two sad organs floating inside. "I know you wanted to keep your old ones, but you'll just have to make do with your new ones."

"My new ones?" Lena asked, giving Lex an odd look.

"Yea, they should be growing back by now."

She gave him a blank look.

"Did you forget you can grow back your organs?" he asked her. "When you first figured out you could, you used to go around pranking doctors by showing up with your heart in your hand and walking around like nothing happened. They'd get heart attacks from seeing that."

Lena had no idea vampires could do this. "Ah, I totally knew," she fake smiled. "I just was um, really stuck on keeping these." She turned to Kara. "Say, you'd think Alex would still eat these?"

Kara gave a disgusted look. "No, you saw how she reacted when she found out. And I doubt she's going to want to ever eat kidneys again."

Lena dumped them out onto the floor along with the water, giving a devious grin. "Perfect." She now had a way of tormenting Alex.

**LV. Who was She?**

As Lena and Kara laid in bed, Kara's mind was full of questions. "Who was Nia? I got the distinct feeling she was someone you knew."

"I did," Lena said after a pause. "She's crazy. And not in the vampire way, but actually full psycho crazy."

"What does she do? Other than sell drugs and harvest organs."

"We used to...to date," Lena confessed uncomfortably. She did not like to think about that past. "And she was deeply in love with me. To the pointthat she wanted us to exchange hearts so we could always have a piece of us in each other."

"That's...romantic?" Kara questioned.

"It's not right, is what it is," Lena said. "When she revealed that side to me I broke up with her and ran away. She vowed to take me apart piece by piece should she ever see me again. When I was queen she couldn't do anything to me, but then she saw a chance when I was at my weakest and took it."

"That's fucked up."

"Tell me about it. It's why I hate that song."

"Which one?"

"The Christmas one. Where the dude sings about giving his heart away to someone special." She shuddered. "Almost happened to me. The amount of times I would wake up with her fingers in my chest to have her say she's 'just teasing' is frightening."

"I promise not to do that," Kara swore.

"But I thought aliens liked to probe around?" Lena said and it took Kara a while to realize she was teasing.

"This alien only likes to probe one specific area," Kara said coyly and then dove under the sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Alright, this is the end of arc two. Arc three, the last and final arc, will be coming up soon. It's gonna feature monsters, mayhem and weddings, so good times for all.


End file.
